The Horror Of Scream Queen Quigley ...

Treasure Of The Moon Goddess

(1987 / USA / Mexico)

‘‘Tell the monkey to back off’’

American / Mexican jungle Action adventure production that tries to emulate the style of the Eighties made Euro flicks. Four adventurers and two Mexican bandits become embroiled in the acquirement of a legendary treasure. Deep within the South American jungle lives a hidden tribe, who worship the memory of their goddess, and protect their idols fabulous riches of jewels in her honour. Word of the tribe and their capacious cache has leaked to the outside world, bringing deceit and treachery to the natives harmonious sanctuary, in the form of the avaricious Mr. Diaz !.

Harold Grand (Don Calfa) is a talent manager who runs up bad debt and is beholden to Mr. Diaz. On his talent books is rock singer Lu De Belle (Linnea Quigley), an attractive blonde star in the making. In order for Harold Grand to pay off his tab Mr. Diaz tells him to hand over Lu De Belle to him. Unbeknownst to Grand is that Lu is the personification of the Moon Goddess, and with her in his possession Mr. Diaz intends to trick the hidden South American tribe out of their treasure.

Both Harold and Lu set off with instruction to meet Mr. Diaz at a remote destination. They hire a small boat owned by Sam Kid (Asher Brauner) and his attractive partner Brandy (Jo Ann Ayres), in order to best get to the location given. On route they are set upon by another boat, filled with marauding Mexican bandits, out to abduct Lu De Belle. Sam Kid is not one to be unprepared for any situation and fends off the attempt with gun power. He and his small compliment are way outnumbered however. The barrage of bullets and heavier fire power takes its toll upon Sam’s boat and all abandon ship just in time before it blows up.

Sam Kid, Brandy and their two new acquaintances swim to shore and make their way through the coastal jungle to an inland ramshackle town. They barely have time to catch their breath before Mr. Diaz sends his goons out to collect his prize in the form of Lu. Sam springs into Action man hero mode and its not long before fisticuffs and a bar fight, with a snake pit, breaks out.

It’s almost like The Perils Of Pauline (1967) for poor Lu as she is sought after not only by Mr. Diaz but it turns out that the Mexican bandits were acting at the behest of their boss, who just so happens to be the cousin of Mr. Diaz, whom just so happens to be on to his relatives scurrilous intensions.

An inept attempt at blending humour with Action, along the lines of a bargain basement Indiana Jones adventure, all too often falls flat. The script would have been far better handled by Italian 'B' movie maestro Bruno Mattei, who undoubtedly would have livened things up and had Brent Huff in the lead, chewing up the scenery and delivering the one liners as only he could.

There are a few entertaining Action escapades, but sadly they are all too short and ultimately unconvincing. With a tribe of South American natives about as threatening as vegetarian cannibals there really is little to get your teeth into. The absurdity upon revealing the true connection between Mr. Diaz and the tribe is about as glib as it gets. If you can stick with this until the test of strength within the sacred temple, where at least some Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981) traps liven things up a bit, then you’ll make it through till the let’s leave this open for a sequel ending.

Treasure Of The Moon Goddess really is a bottom of the bargain bin pick up only, and not the rough diamond hoped for. This type of Action adventure movie is best laid at the door of big budgeted Hollywood blockbusters, and the far more accomplished low budget genius of the Euro Action film makers from the same decade.

Movie Rating: 1/5

Review by Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

Treasure Of The Moon Goddess (1987)

Director Joseph Louis Graz
With Asher Brauner, Don Calfa,
Jo Ann Ayres & Linnea Quigley

Rutger Hauer Hitches A Hit ...

Hobo With A Shotgun

(2011/USA)

‘‘Put the knife away kid, or I’ll use it to cut welfare

cheques from your rotten skin’’

Once he was a Hitcher, now he’s a ‘hit and gun’ hobo. Rutger Hauer wipes crime from the street like a bidet blasting bowels !. He may appear a down and out homeless bum, but he’s no asshole. The true rim raiders and scumbags of the streets are the scourge of the state, and this hobo has seen enough. It’s time to take up a shot gun, pump, dump and flush the crap right out of the city !.

Drake (Brian Downey) is the villain of the piece, who along with his two petulant post teen nephews, Slick and Ivan, rule the urban city landscape with dope, prostitution and violence. Life is cheap to them and the people are mere cattle to prod, preen and slaughter as they see fit. Torture is but an entrée to the surf and turf slaughter main dish they relish, with free flowing blood !.

The hobo ambles into the city, having free ridden the livestock carriage of the connecting state train, looking for shelter and to scour about for enough loose change to afford himself the dollars he requires to purchase a sturdy old lawn mower. His focus in his latter years is to start his own lawn cutting business. There’s only one kind of grass that’s cut in this city though, and that’s the kind the Drake supplies !.

Witnessing first hand the excessive force and brutality that Slick and Ivan dish out, all with the approval and encouragement of uncle Drake, the hobo takes a stand when the life of a bright young prostitute is threatened by Slick. The hobo sees good in her and convinces himself that given the chance to escape her lifestyle she could be a teacher. He saves her from the thuggish punk and turns to the cops for help. It is here that the diabolical reality of the city’s situation reveals itself to the well intentioned and decent homeless hobo. Low life criminal scum doesn’t just regulate the streets, it owns the police force that is supposed to protect them !.

Receiving his harsh reality check at the end of a fist, and painfully etched deep into his chest with a blade, both courtesy of Slick, Rutger Hauer’s character takes a stand against the scourge and becomes a … Hobo With A Shotgun !.

The intentional Grind House groove runs rampant in over the top, often excessive violence, splashed across the screen in a crimson cauldron of transgressed trash. The intent is clear, to be as outlandish and over the top as is distastefully possible, highlighted by, the thankfully not shown, but none the less carried out and left to run the gauntlet of gruesomeness across the imagination of those viewing, the sick asphyxiation of a group of school kids on a bus by Slick burning them to death with a flame thrower !. There are certain boundaries that should not be crossed, and even in the blackest vein of shock horror humour this is not a cinematic moment to condone. The only gratification coming out of this unpleasant apparition is the aptly applied last rites of passage to hell epitaph, deftly applied to Slick by the hobo.

The blood, guts and violence otherwise is suitably over the top silliness, and the joy at delighting in Rutger Hauer taking out the trash, shot gun in hand and grizzled dialogue, delivered with vitriolic disdain at those deserving, is nothing short of bad assed inspirational. Hauer owns this role, and effortlessly shows pretty much every other actor up for the minimum wage stooges they portray. Friends, and likely family members of the film makers do not good actors make, even in a low budget production hiding behind its intentions at recreating a genre style where this once upon a time was overlooked. Watching and listening to the character of Slick is akin to experiencing the excellent Jon Cryer recreating his role, today, of Duckie, from Pretty In Pink (1986), but as Tony Montana in Scarface (1983). Please, let’s not have to say hello to this little friend of the film makers again !.

Stand out sequence of the movie without a doubt is when Drake deploys two of the crime worlds most lethal dispensers of pain and death, The Plague. Brothers of botulism, belched forth from the brine and brimstone of Beelzebub’s hellish boudoir. Their onslaught through a hospital in search of the hobo, kitted out as they are in full sheet metal attire, replete with forged eye slit hole helmets and spiked gauntlets, is nothing short of biblical. Like horsemen of the apocalypse, arriving astride their steel steed motorcycles, their passage of pain is surely written somewhere within the text of the book of revelations !.

Gregarious gruel slaps itself across the screen like a visceral Salvador Dali, ladled upon his canvas with a pallet of blood. A nightmarish vision of a world gone to hell, with only the evocation of Charles Bronson, brandishing a shotgun, standing at those gates with both barrels loaded, and pointed directly at Satan’s nut sack !. Major league movie making it ain’t, but balls to the wall grind house experience, it sure as all heck delivers a pretty darned good representation of.

 
 
Movie Rating: 6/10
 
Review by Paul Cooke / Source V.O.D
 
Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)
Director Jason Eisener
With Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth, Gregory Smith,
Nick Bateman, Robb Wells & Brian Downey

Ebay VHS Extravoganza ...

EXPLOSIVE EBAY AUCTIONS

April

Time for an April shower of Video Tape goodness up on over at the 'Bay. Seventies Crime Action nestling right on next to more groovy greatness from those industrious Italians in the Eighties, right on through to some outlandish independent Zombie horror gore in the Nineties.

A veritable smorgasbord of Greek, UK and Japanese VHS Tapes to choose from.

Highlights this time out include Euro Crime MUST HAVES Mark The Narc & Mark Strikes Again, both Directed by the awesome Action stunt coordinator Stelvio Massi, and starring the very cool Franco Gasparri.

Hot on the tail fender of these comes Director Alberto De Martino's awesome mid seventies crime Actioner Blazing Magnum. Starring Stuart Whitman, John Saxon, Martin Landau & Tisa Farrow. This one features one of the very best car chase sequences in movie history. Franco Nero heads up the star roster in Director Enzo G Castellari's fast and furious vigilante outing Street Law, and there is a very nice Full Wide Screen LTBX presentation on a UK PAL VHS for The New Godfathers, which is a pre certification beauty.

There's a Jess Franco cannibal caper rarity in his take on the genre with White Cannibal Queen. Featuring gore feature actor greats Al Cliver & Sabrina Siani, along with Franco regular Lina Romay.

The Zombie outings come in the shape of the very hard to acquire, and ridiculously expensive to buy through the regular outlets, Todd Sheets first two outings in his Zombie Bloodbath trilogy & another rarity, equally as scarce to come by on VHS today Zombie Cult Massacre. Plenty of gore and Zombie silliness all round in these releases. All three of these are pretty much as new. I purchased them from new many years ago & have literally watched each tape just the once. These VHS Tapes & Containers are in near mint condition.

Please do check them all out, along with many others currently up for offer, and hopefully grab yourselves a real rarity at a good price. Thanks as always to all who take the time and trouble to check my Ebay Auctions out & my sincere gratitude to all who become winning bidders.

Happy viewing & happier bidding

Thank you

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Filippino Post Nuke Pretender ...

W is War

(1983/Philippines)

‘‘With or without a badge I’ll find a way’’

Filippino Action fury with an anachronistic feel of a futuristic post apocalyptic movie, yet set in its contemporary time line of production in the early Eighties !?. A bizarre combination of Mad Max (1979) and The Warriors (1979).

Law enforcer Sergeant W2 heads up his team of fellow enforcers against the scourge of Asia. Their greatest concern is the ever burgeoning manufacturing and distribution of drugs. The continents largest cartel is The End Of The World Organisation, and they have a centre of operations right on Sergeant W2’s patch. Headed up by the garish, fanatical Jim Jones type guru, Nosfero, and his legion of loyal acolytes. A small army of shaven headed thugs, garbed in minimalist fetish leather, bonded together like a futuristic variant of the Hell’s Angel’s. Nosfero leads them with a iron grip and the steely facial intensity of Jack Palance, set apart from his bald followers by a side set pigtail and one mean manicured uni-brow !.

Sergeant W2 and two of his men get into a scrape with a rowdy bunch of Nosfero’s men outside of a club. When a knife is pulled W2 instinctively reacts by pulling out his gun. In the line of duty, and deemed in self defence, W2 shoots and kills his attacker, the brother of Nosfero !. Back at enforcer HQ W2’s superior officer informs him that he is suspended from duty, and told to take some time off. Whilst away W2 marries his sweetheart, but during their honeymoon period W2 is attacked by Nosfero’s men in an act of retribution. W2 is beaten and eternally branded by an act of castration upon his person !.

W2 is a broken man, and with no job, and a wife he can no longer satisfy, he fully channels his frustrations towards Nosfero and his illegal operations. As a renegade though he is outnumbered and outclassed. Falling into the hands of Nosfero once again W2 is tortured and made an example of. Coming to W2’s aid is a female member of the Nosfero cult, a reluctant submissive soldier seeking a way out, she frees W2, and together they formulate a way to strike at the heart of Nosfero and The End Of The World Organisation’s operations.

Even in castrated form W2 has the balls to bring down the rebel force, but not with a solo hand, as his loyal enforcers become his wing men once more, and aided by his new found princess this alliance is readied to bring Nosfero’s evil empire down !. W is war up against Nosfero’s camp clan of Frankie Goes To Hollywood look alike bandits, and what is it good for ?, absolutely nothing but big bang, all out explosive fun for the finale.

The closure is the meat and two veg of the piece that W2 longs for, and gets with the assistance of his trusted cohorts, and a customised assault vehicle that is most definitely straight out of a Euro Post Nuke movie from the Eighties. Armour plated and replete with weapons of mass destruction. W is war for sure at this juncture, and raises the films fun factor several notches. Three wheeled super charged motorbike riding villains against the Philippines version of Mad Max, in an off road warrior warpath of wanton death and destruction. Deliriously delivered ‘Pines on toast whole hearted ‘B’ movie goodness.

Movie Rating: 5/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

W is War (1983)
Directed by Willie Milan
With Anthony Alonzo, Paul Vance,
Joonee Gamboa, Alicia Alonzo & Ada Hubert

Norwegian Wood Or Limp Horror ? ...

Fritt Vilt III

aka Cold Prey 3

(Norway/2010)

Luke warm prequel to the impressive original movie, and its equally thrilling sequel. The Fritt Vilt franchise sees the emotionless killing machines inception. Its tale of the young boy believed lost in the wilderness of the snow laden landscape in Jotunheimen, Norway, reveals what really happened, and then sets up the storyline leading into Fritt Vilt.

Ten years or so later we are introduced to six early twenty something’s taking a hiking trip to the Jotunheimen region during the Eighties. It is springtime and so getting to the closed down hotel resort setting for the first movies is easier, although the region is just as remote. The local police enforcer gives the group of friends a ride as far as he can in his land rover. He drops them off and promises to be at the same place to pick them up a couple of days later. Time enough for them to enjoy the benefits of outdoor living. It’s not too long, however, before they are dieing to get away from it !.

The killer is on the lose in the wooded region and there is nothing more agreeable than a bunch of young town folk meandering around acting stupid. Stalking, chasing and a heap of slashing and stabbings follow, all done in pretty graphic style. Picture Michael Myers let loose in natures back garden, even the wildlife begin to believe in Halloween !.

This is the third director in the series, and although it is accepted that there has to be a whole new cast, the characters and actors are not as accomplished as the very polished original. Although Fritt Vilt II also had a new director in Mats Stenberg, he pretty much stuck to the formula, so perfectly sculpted by Roar Uthaug directing Fritt Vilt, that the film had an almost seamless continuation. With Fritt Vilt III it all pretty much is formulaic stalk and slash, young people in peril territory. Enjoyable enough, but you just want the running duration to play through its obvious course as swiftly as possible. Knowing that the protagonist is not going to be bested, and that it is inevitable that everyone else will die, doesn’t leave much to keep suspense or surprise going for the viewer.

To its advantage the movie has the same green / brown hue to it that made the first two ventures look so very authentic. Adding credence to the fact that the movies are set twenty to thirty years ago, and delivering that feel of a slightly faded old style photograph. Perfect for the feel and texture of the movie. What is seriously undervalued here though is the effectiveness and importance the part of the snow white blanket scenario, and the ice cold conditions had to play in making parts one and two so very, very integral to the enjoy ability of the films.

Perhaps Fritt Vilt III is best then viewed first by anyone interested in seeing the series for the first time, but for those who have revelled in the delights of the originals this outing is a tame affair and is unlikely to be revisited by true followers of parts one and two. Buy Fritt Vilt, and Fritt Vilt II and treasure in your film collection, but rent and watch Fritt Vilt III if you really want to visualise the back story, which in truth is best left to the creepy imagination and inferences made in the original films. This third Cold Prey is far from the icing on the Norwegian movie landscape, and one you can a ‘fjord’ to miss !.

 
Movie Rating: 5/10
 
Review Paul Cooke / Source PAL Region 2 DVD
 
Fritt Vilt III (2010)
 
Director Mikkel Brænne Sandemose
With Ida Marie Bakkerud, Kim S. Falck-Jørgensen,
Pål Stokka, Julie Rusti, Arthur Berning, Sterla Rui,
Endre Hellestveit, Terje Ranes & Nils Johnson

Early Easter Ebay VHS Goodness ...

First and foremost on behalf of myself, and I'm sure all who stop by here at Ballistic Blood Bullets, may I say that our thoughts and prayers go out to Japan, and all its people, at this time of alarming devastation and distressing tragedy.

Ebay Auctions

March 2011

It's that time of year when Easter is almost upon us and the Ballistic Blood Bullets Bunny is hopping around collecting up a whole basketful of Japanese Video Goodies to be gobbled up right now over on up at Ebay.

Star of the goodness up for grabs this month is without question the gory kick ass caveman classic Master Of The World. Euro Italian produced prehistoric gruel where the only rules were those of survival. This particular tape on offer is in Superb condition both in Excellent quality of print, in a Fabulous Wide Screen ratio, and complete with a clean and typically cool Japanese insert. The Japanese tapes are pretty much always the standard bearers when it comes to quality, but this particular release is in all my time of collecting one of the finest issues ever, without question. Master Of The World is a Must Have.

Familiar Eighties goodness also abounds with the delights of Luigi Cozzi's classic chunk blower, and body exploding Sci-Fi schlocker Contamination aka Alien Contamination, Antonio Margheriti's monster from the sea Actioner Alien From The Deep, and the low budget, but big bang for your bucks Alien (1979) cash in Italian rip Alien 2 Sulla Terra.

A massive favourite from the Post Apocalyptic cycle of Eighties Euro Action greatness from the prolific Italian production stable is 2019: After The Fall Of New York. The Michael Sopkiw and George Eastman starer from Director Sergio Martino under the pseudonym of Martin Dolman. You'd have to be a Big Ape to have missed out on this one.

Infamous Cannibal jungle gut muncher Make Them Die Slowly aka Cannibal Ferox eagerly awaits to be gobbled up by a collector looking for something to satisfy their hunger for this particularly grizzly genre.

Lucio Fulci's late Eighties entry Sodoma's Ghosts is relatively hard to come by and worth checking out, but please be aware that this particular Japanese VHS release is in its original Italian language only with the usual small Japanese subtitles. There is no English dubbing nor English subtitles with this one.

Cruel Jaws awaits a keen collector of Jaws (1976) inspired shark attack goodness. A pretty decent outing from 'B' movie king of the Italian Xerox greatness himself Bruno Mattei. Definitely one to sink your teeth into, so please dive in early to secure, before someone else bites your hand off to get it !.

Once again, all insert art covers displayed are of the actual VHS Tape that you will be purchasing.

Thanks to anyone, and everyone who takes the time to check out my Ebay Auctions, and a huge thank you in advance to any that make a purchase. The very best of luck in bidding. Thank you.

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SyFy Opens Hanger 18 ...

Area 51

(2011 / USA)

‘‘I want this to go quickly, and cleanly’’

When the government, under continued pressure, gives in to allow strictly monitored visitor access to Hanger 18 in Area 51, what has lain secret for decades takes a fancy to its ‘Alien’ visitation.

Reporter Sam Whitaker (John Shea), and highly watched news blog investigator Claire Fallon (Vanessa Branch), are allowed chaperoned access to Area 51, along with their personal photographer and camera woman, to take notes and ask questions on a specially arranged guided tour. Once the doors open the floodgates soon spill forth far more than any of them could have ever imagined for, beyond their wildest expectations !.

Base leader Colonel Ronald Martin (Bruce Boxleitner), of the U.S Air Force, takes the reporter quartet on the suitably arranged show and not so much tell walk through the infamous Hanger 18. Global spy devices and prototype weapons are discussed and shown off, whilst anticipated talk of any alien activity and captivity is dismissed by the military man.

In a lower level of the base scientists and security go about their regular daily routines, including of course interacting with the actual alien life forms that do indeed reside, and in many cases are actually restrained in high security isolation. On this particular day, however, things do not go schedule. Alien Patient Zero, a shape shifting entity able to adopt and mimic the physiology and characteristics of whatever living thing it comes into contact with, chooses this very day, after twenty five years of passive stability, to escape its cell and wreak havoc throughout the base.

The internal alarm is raised and lockdown is instigated. It isn’t just Patient Zero that Colonel Martin and his men have to concern themselves with, but the escape of some other alien entities, far less intelligent than Patient Zero, and with a violent temperament and hunger for flesh !.

What excels, to the movies great credit, is its non reliance on any overly apparent CGI, and indeed some good old fashioned cool looking men in monster suits. Gore splattering, sinew snapping, blood spurting schlock horror galore ensues in this very well made, better budgeted than usual, SyFy Channel outing. Sure it borrows heavily from a multitude of Sci-Fi, horror themes and movies, but does so with an enjoyable spring in its step. Military fatigued soldiers issued with regulation weapons and perimeter scanning devices is straight out of Aliens (1986), but it’s a well used staple that pretty much succeeds every time, and this is no exception.

There is some alien folklore titbits amongst the mix to look out for, and indeed smile at their introduction, such as the introduction of Hanger 18’s resident friendly alien J-Rod, working with the military on a way to return home since crash landing here in the desert back in the fifties !. A highly intelligent being who’s understanding of the entity Patient Zero assists Colonel Martin is invaluable. Along with the four guest visitors to the base they have to work together to stay alive, and find a way to bring order back to the facility.

With the nastier alien variants escaping from the lower levels, up and out to the topside facility, it lays with the brave last line of military defence to go head to tail with them. Guns and gore galore as aliens and soldiers go out on a limb to take each other out !. Pretty impressive stuff then for a made for television syndication movie, and most worthy of any sci-fi, horror, action loving fans attention.

Movie Rating: 6/10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source SyFy Channel

Area 51 (2011)

Director Jason Connery
With Bruce Boxleitner, Jason London, John Shea,
Vanessa Branch & Rachel Miner