Rutger Hauer Hitches A Hit ...

Hobo With A Shotgun

(2011/USA)

‘‘Put the knife away kid, or I’ll use it to cut welfare

cheques from your rotten skin’’

Once he was a Hitcher, now he’s a ‘hit and gun’ hobo. Rutger Hauer wipes crime from the street like a bidet blasting bowels !. He may appear a down and out homeless bum, but he’s no asshole. The true rim raiders and scumbags of the streets are the scourge of the state, and this hobo has seen enough. It’s time to take up a shot gun, pump, dump and flush the crap right out of the city !.

Drake (Brian Downey) is the villain of the piece, who along with his two petulant post teen nephews, Slick and Ivan, rule the urban city landscape with dope, prostitution and violence. Life is cheap to them and the people are mere cattle to prod, preen and slaughter as they see fit. Torture is but an entrée to the surf and turf slaughter main dish they relish, with free flowing blood !.

The hobo ambles into the city, having free ridden the livestock carriage of the connecting state train, looking for shelter and to scour about for enough loose change to afford himself the dollars he requires to purchase a sturdy old lawn mower. His focus in his latter years is to start his own lawn cutting business. There’s only one kind of grass that’s cut in this city though, and that’s the kind the Drake supplies !.

Witnessing first hand the excessive force and brutality that Slick and Ivan dish out, all with the approval and encouragement of uncle Drake, the hobo takes a stand when the life of a bright young prostitute is threatened by Slick. The hobo sees good in her and convinces himself that given the chance to escape her lifestyle she could be a teacher. He saves her from the thuggish punk and turns to the cops for help. It is here that the diabolical reality of the city’s situation reveals itself to the well intentioned and decent homeless hobo. Low life criminal scum doesn’t just regulate the streets, it owns the police force that is supposed to protect them !.

Receiving his harsh reality check at the end of a fist, and painfully etched deep into his chest with a blade, both courtesy of Slick, Rutger Hauer’s character takes a stand against the scourge and becomes a … Hobo With A Shotgun !.

The intentional Grind House groove runs rampant in over the top, often excessive violence, splashed across the screen in a crimson cauldron of transgressed trash. The intent is clear, to be as outlandish and over the top as is distastefully possible, highlighted by, the thankfully not shown, but none the less carried out and left to run the gauntlet of gruesomeness across the imagination of those viewing, the sick asphyxiation of a group of school kids on a bus by Slick burning them to death with a flame thrower !. There are certain boundaries that should not be crossed, and even in the blackest vein of shock horror humour this is not a cinematic moment to condone. The only gratification coming out of this unpleasant apparition is the aptly applied last rites of passage to hell epitaph, deftly applied to Slick by the hobo.

The blood, guts and violence otherwise is suitably over the top silliness, and the joy at delighting in Rutger Hauer taking out the trash, shot gun in hand and grizzled dialogue, delivered with vitriolic disdain at those deserving, is nothing short of bad assed inspirational. Hauer owns this role, and effortlessly shows pretty much every other actor up for the minimum wage stooges they portray. Friends, and likely family members of the film makers do not good actors make, even in a low budget production hiding behind its intentions at recreating a genre style where this once upon a time was overlooked. Watching and listening to the character of Slick is akin to experiencing the excellent Jon Cryer recreating his role, today, of Duckie, from Pretty In Pink (1986), but as Tony Montana in Scarface (1983). Please, let’s not have to say hello to this little friend of the film makers again !.

Stand out sequence of the movie without a doubt is when Drake deploys two of the crime worlds most lethal dispensers of pain and death, The Plague. Brothers of botulism, belched forth from the brine and brimstone of Beelzebub’s hellish boudoir. Their onslaught through a hospital in search of the hobo, kitted out as they are in full sheet metal attire, replete with forged eye slit hole helmets and spiked gauntlets, is nothing short of biblical. Like horsemen of the apocalypse, arriving astride their steel steed motorcycles, their passage of pain is surely written somewhere within the text of the book of revelations !.

Gregarious gruel slaps itself across the screen like a visceral Salvador Dali, ladled upon his canvas with a pallet of blood. A nightmarish vision of a world gone to hell, with only the evocation of Charles Bronson, brandishing a shotgun, standing at those gates with both barrels loaded, and pointed directly at Satan’s nut sack !. Major league movie making it ain’t, but balls to the wall grind house experience, it sure as all heck delivers a pretty darned good representation of.

 
 
Movie Rating: 6/10
 
Review by Paul Cooke / Source V.O.D
 
Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)
Director Jason Eisener
With Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth, Gregory Smith,
Nick Bateman, Robb Wells & Brian Downey

Filippino Post Nuke Pretender ...

W is War

(1983/Philippines)

‘‘With or without a badge I’ll find a way’’

Filippino Action fury with an anachronistic feel of a futuristic post apocalyptic movie, yet set in its contemporary time line of production in the early Eighties !?. A bizarre combination of Mad Max (1979) and The Warriors (1979).

Law enforcer Sergeant W2 heads up his team of fellow enforcers against the scourge of Asia. Their greatest concern is the ever burgeoning manufacturing and distribution of drugs. The continents largest cartel is The End Of The World Organisation, and they have a centre of operations right on Sergeant W2’s patch. Headed up by the garish, fanatical Jim Jones type guru, Nosfero, and his legion of loyal acolytes. A small army of shaven headed thugs, garbed in minimalist fetish leather, bonded together like a futuristic variant of the Hell’s Angel’s. Nosfero leads them with a iron grip and the steely facial intensity of Jack Palance, set apart from his bald followers by a side set pigtail and one mean manicured uni-brow !.

Sergeant W2 and two of his men get into a scrape with a rowdy bunch of Nosfero’s men outside of a club. When a knife is pulled W2 instinctively reacts by pulling out his gun. In the line of duty, and deemed in self defence, W2 shoots and kills his attacker, the brother of Nosfero !. Back at enforcer HQ W2’s superior officer informs him that he is suspended from duty, and told to take some time off. Whilst away W2 marries his sweetheart, but during their honeymoon period W2 is attacked by Nosfero’s men in an act of retribution. W2 is beaten and eternally branded by an act of castration upon his person !.

W2 is a broken man, and with no job, and a wife he can no longer satisfy, he fully channels his frustrations towards Nosfero and his illegal operations. As a renegade though he is outnumbered and outclassed. Falling into the hands of Nosfero once again W2 is tortured and made an example of. Coming to W2’s aid is a female member of the Nosfero cult, a reluctant submissive soldier seeking a way out, she frees W2, and together they formulate a way to strike at the heart of Nosfero and The End Of The World Organisation’s operations.

Even in castrated form W2 has the balls to bring down the rebel force, but not with a solo hand, as his loyal enforcers become his wing men once more, and aided by his new found princess this alliance is readied to bring Nosfero’s evil empire down !. W is war up against Nosfero’s camp clan of Frankie Goes To Hollywood look alike bandits, and what is it good for ?, absolutely nothing but big bang, all out explosive fun for the finale.

The closure is the meat and two veg of the piece that W2 longs for, and gets with the assistance of his trusted cohorts, and a customised assault vehicle that is most definitely straight out of a Euro Post Nuke movie from the Eighties. Armour plated and replete with weapons of mass destruction. W is war for sure at this juncture, and raises the films fun factor several notches. Three wheeled super charged motorbike riding villains against the Philippines version of Mad Max, in an off road warrior warpath of wanton death and destruction. Deliriously delivered ‘Pines on toast whole hearted ‘B’ movie goodness.

Movie Rating: 5/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

W is War (1983)
Directed by Willie Milan
With Anthony Alonzo, Paul Vance,
Joonee Gamboa, Alicia Alonzo & Ada Hubert

Norwegian Wood Or Limp Horror ? ...

Fritt Vilt III

aka Cold Prey 3

(Norway/2010)

Luke warm prequel to the impressive original movie, and its equally thrilling sequel. The Fritt Vilt franchise sees the emotionless killing machines inception. Its tale of the young boy believed lost in the wilderness of the snow laden landscape in Jotunheimen, Norway, reveals what really happened, and then sets up the storyline leading into Fritt Vilt.

Ten years or so later we are introduced to six early twenty something’s taking a hiking trip to the Jotunheimen region during the Eighties. It is springtime and so getting to the closed down hotel resort setting for the first movies is easier, although the region is just as remote. The local police enforcer gives the group of friends a ride as far as he can in his land rover. He drops them off and promises to be at the same place to pick them up a couple of days later. Time enough for them to enjoy the benefits of outdoor living. It’s not too long, however, before they are dieing to get away from it !.

The killer is on the lose in the wooded region and there is nothing more agreeable than a bunch of young town folk meandering around acting stupid. Stalking, chasing and a heap of slashing and stabbings follow, all done in pretty graphic style. Picture Michael Myers let loose in natures back garden, even the wildlife begin to believe in Halloween !.

This is the third director in the series, and although it is accepted that there has to be a whole new cast, the characters and actors are not as accomplished as the very polished original. Although Fritt Vilt II also had a new director in Mats Stenberg, he pretty much stuck to the formula, so perfectly sculpted by Roar Uthaug directing Fritt Vilt, that the film had an almost seamless continuation. With Fritt Vilt III it all pretty much is formulaic stalk and slash, young people in peril territory. Enjoyable enough, but you just want the running duration to play through its obvious course as swiftly as possible. Knowing that the protagonist is not going to be bested, and that it is inevitable that everyone else will die, doesn’t leave much to keep suspense or surprise going for the viewer.

To its advantage the movie has the same green / brown hue to it that made the first two ventures look so very authentic. Adding credence to the fact that the movies are set twenty to thirty years ago, and delivering that feel of a slightly faded old style photograph. Perfect for the feel and texture of the movie. What is seriously undervalued here though is the effectiveness and importance the part of the snow white blanket scenario, and the ice cold conditions had to play in making parts one and two so very, very integral to the enjoy ability of the films.

Perhaps Fritt Vilt III is best then viewed first by anyone interested in seeing the series for the first time, but for those who have revelled in the delights of the originals this outing is a tame affair and is unlikely to be revisited by true followers of parts one and two. Buy Fritt Vilt, and Fritt Vilt II and treasure in your film collection, but rent and watch Fritt Vilt III if you really want to visualise the back story, which in truth is best left to the creepy imagination and inferences made in the original films. This third Cold Prey is far from the icing on the Norwegian movie landscape, and one you can a ‘fjord’ to miss !.

 
Movie Rating: 5/10
 
Review Paul Cooke / Source PAL Region 2 DVD
 
Fritt Vilt III (2010)
 
Director Mikkel Brænne Sandemose
With Ida Marie Bakkerud, Kim S. Falck-Jørgensen,
Pål Stokka, Julie Rusti, Arthur Berning, Sterla Rui,
Endre Hellestveit, Terje Ranes & Nils Johnson

SyFy Opens Hanger 18 ...

Area 51

(2011 / USA)

‘‘I want this to go quickly, and cleanly’’

When the government, under continued pressure, gives in to allow strictly monitored visitor access to Hanger 18 in Area 51, what has lain secret for decades takes a fancy to its ‘Alien’ visitation.

Reporter Sam Whitaker (John Shea), and highly watched news blog investigator Claire Fallon (Vanessa Branch), are allowed chaperoned access to Area 51, along with their personal photographer and camera woman, to take notes and ask questions on a specially arranged guided tour. Once the doors open the floodgates soon spill forth far more than any of them could have ever imagined for, beyond their wildest expectations !.

Base leader Colonel Ronald Martin (Bruce Boxleitner), of the U.S Air Force, takes the reporter quartet on the suitably arranged show and not so much tell walk through the infamous Hanger 18. Global spy devices and prototype weapons are discussed and shown off, whilst anticipated talk of any alien activity and captivity is dismissed by the military man.

In a lower level of the base scientists and security go about their regular daily routines, including of course interacting with the actual alien life forms that do indeed reside, and in many cases are actually restrained in high security isolation. On this particular day, however, things do not go schedule. Alien Patient Zero, a shape shifting entity able to adopt and mimic the physiology and characteristics of whatever living thing it comes into contact with, chooses this very day, after twenty five years of passive stability, to escape its cell and wreak havoc throughout the base.

The internal alarm is raised and lockdown is instigated. It isn’t just Patient Zero that Colonel Martin and his men have to concern themselves with, but the escape of some other alien entities, far less intelligent than Patient Zero, and with a violent temperament and hunger for flesh !.

What excels, to the movies great credit, is its non reliance on any overly apparent CGI, and indeed some good old fashioned cool looking men in monster suits. Gore splattering, sinew snapping, blood spurting schlock horror galore ensues in this very well made, better budgeted than usual, SyFy Channel outing. Sure it borrows heavily from a multitude of Sci-Fi, horror themes and movies, but does so with an enjoyable spring in its step. Military fatigued soldiers issued with regulation weapons and perimeter scanning devices is straight out of Aliens (1986), but it’s a well used staple that pretty much succeeds every time, and this is no exception.

There is some alien folklore titbits amongst the mix to look out for, and indeed smile at their introduction, such as the introduction of Hanger 18’s resident friendly alien J-Rod, working with the military on a way to return home since crash landing here in the desert back in the fifties !. A highly intelligent being who’s understanding of the entity Patient Zero assists Colonel Martin is invaluable. Along with the four guest visitors to the base they have to work together to stay alive, and find a way to bring order back to the facility.

With the nastier alien variants escaping from the lower levels, up and out to the topside facility, it lays with the brave last line of military defence to go head to tail with them. Guns and gore galore as aliens and soldiers go out on a limb to take each other out !. Pretty impressive stuff then for a made for television syndication movie, and most worthy of any sci-fi, horror, action loving fans attention.

Movie Rating: 6/10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source SyFy Channel

Area 51 (2011)

Director Jason Connery
With Bruce Boxleitner, Jason London, John Shea,
Vanessa Branch & Rachel Miner

Xmas Fear From Finland ...

Rare Exports

(2010 Finland / Norway / France / Sweden)

‘‘The real Santa was a bit different, the Coca Cola Santa is a fraud’’

Jingle bells Santa smells, his body rotting away, Rudolph’s left and the elves bereft, since Santa got buried, along with his sleigh … but now he’s been dug up, and this Christmas ‘Yule’ all pay !.

A festive frivolity of fearsome Christmas chills from Finland as the legend of yore in the shape of the original Santa Claus returns. Old books tell of the terrible tales of Santa as a child beating ogre. A young boy named Pietan is sure that on the eve of Christmas day this terrible Santa is coming to town !.

A business man has a professional drill team excavating the Korvatunturi mountain in Finland. They drill down thirteen hundred feet and hit a sixty five foot thick embodiment of sawdust !. It is here that legend has it that the Saami people of Lapland centuries before created the biggest burial mound in the world. Imprisoned within the mountain burial mound it is said is this evil and original Santa Claus !.

Christmas eve, and in the valley afoot the mountain the local farmers prepare their annual round up of the indigenous reindeer. A major part of their continued resource to survive with the lifestyle they are dependant upon in the region. Disaster awaits them this day, however, as the valley beneath the mountain is strewn with the dead carcass’s of the reindeer !.

With their livelihood’s severely jeopardised by the discovery several of the locals traverse up the mountain to seek answers from the team of foreigners. What they discover is a derelict site, no sign of life at all, and one massive hole burrowing down deep within the mountain. Something was discovered, disturbed and released from its entombment !.

That very night Pietan’s father’s wolf pit trap claims an inquisitive catch. Early in the morning the impaled body of a still twitching spindly old bearded man is retrieved. With the help of a neighbour the man is watched over in the slaughter house barn of the farmer. Pietan believes that his father has captured Santa. The boy has also discovered that all of the towns children have mysteriously gone missing. Upon seeing Pietan the old man reacts curiously and visibly appears to be recuperating from his life threatening injuries. Whoever, or whatever this old man is becomes cause for great concern.

Pietan’s father, along with two friends manage to contact the business man and set up a trade for ‘Santa’ in payment for their combined losses with the slaughter of their reindeer herd. The exchange is set up, but it is within the hour before Christmas day itself, and what the anxious men have in their possession turns out to be not quite what they had expected after all, and the worst was about to befall them all !.

Time to measure whether they have been naughty or nice and come to fully realise just how many little helpers Santa actually has, particularly in his hour of need !.

All aboard then for a winters tale of terror. A fine slice of darkly delicious Finnish humour that is sure to ‘sleigh’ you. Big fun from an independent venture that stands more than a snowballs chance in hell at sitting atop the tree of film goodness. A wickedly wry take on the twisted tale of ye old Santa, torn straight from the stuff of childhood nightmares. The cinematography of the beautiful white snow laden environment is spectacular, and the stark landscape and insular people make the unleashing of a fearful apparition all the more believable. Very well rendered effects and a straight laced cast of real people more than compliment this accomplished feature. Santa’s entourage of elves never looked so evil.

Rounded up, and rounded off, come completion, the movie’s vein of deliciously dark humour spills on over into an aptly wry epilogue. A perfectly applicable manner for such Rare Exports to, ‘Finnish’.

Movie Rating: 7/10

Review by Paul Cooke

Rare Exports (2010)

Director Jalmari Helander
With Onni Tommila, Jorma Tommila, Tommi Korpela,
Rauno Juvonen, Per Christian Ellefsen,
Ilmari Järvenpää & Peeter Jakobi

Fugitive In From The Cold ...

Covert Action

aka Sono stato un agente C.I.A.

(1978 / Italy / Greece)

‘‘Stick to fiction, you’ll live longer’’

 

An expose tape implicating the C.I.A in world military take over’s is in the possession of one of the C.I.A’s very own, and the organisation want it, and him eradicated !.

Former C.I.A operative Lester Horton (David Janssen) is in Athens, Greece holidaying. His presence, and photography sessions, in and around the city are a cause for concern from the stationed C.I.A Chief Maxwell (Arthur Kennedy). Maxwell and Horton have a history, and the former would rather that the retired C.I.A agent were literally, no longer around !.

Government agent man John Benson has been murdered, but announced as having gone missing. He is the man responsible for the tape, implicating the C.I.A from high. Lester Horton is now a journalist and novelist, penning many a chapter and verse causing ripples. He is in fact in Greece to investigate the disappearance of Benson and uncover more about the tape. Maxwell suspects the same, and has his men tail him.

One lead has Horton cautiously approaching a man in a cinema, during the screening of a movie, but before he can ascertain any solid information the man is shot in the back from someone sitting a few rows behind. Horton’s brief interaction with the man leads him to a former friend during his active time in the C.I.A, Joe Florio (Maurizio Merli). Their friendship was tested when Florio’s wife Anne (Corinne Clery), and Horton became attracted to each other in the past.

Joe Florio is an operative on the edge of his usefulness with the C.I.A. He has been informed that he will be transferred back to America, but in reality the wheels are in motion for him to have a planned accident !. He has become an embarrassment to the agency, due to his dependency on heroin. Chief Maxwell has ordered that he be eliminated, as he is not good for the company reputation !.

Lester Horton wants to help his former friend, but both he and Florio together stir up too much heat for Maxwell, and both are overtly targeted. A fantastic car chase in Rhodes has Florio believing more in Horton, and news of the tape is shared with his former friend. Their mutual respect for each other ends in tragedy as the two are cornered in one of the cities historical outdoor amphitheatres. Chief Maxwell’s right hand problem solver known as The Silent, due to his inability to talk, administers a lethal overdose of heroin to Florio, as Horton is restrained and forced to watch. Ivan Rassimov plays the role of, The Silent with an icy calmness that is effectively chilling. His performance as the bad guy extension of Chief Maxwell is very well realised, and the inevitable cumulative run in with Lester Horton is an emotive one.

Chief Maxwell sanctions Horton to the insane asylum in his desire to get him to divulge information pertaining to the tape. Horton refuses to cooperate and is subjected to all of the indignities of the environment he has been placed in custody to, along with some horrendous applications by the doctors believing him to be of unstable mind. When Horton tries to escape from the institution he is subjected to electro shock treatment, which is actually difficult to watch !.

Anne Florio uses her charm and respected position to call in a favour from the local police inspector, played quite perfectly by Philippe Leroy. He is an honourable and incorruptible officer of the law and facilitates the release of Horton from the institution. He reunites with Anne, and together they hold up in her secluded second home. It affords Horton some time to recuperate, but both know that it is only a matter of time before Maxwell uncovers them.

For a late entry in the Euro crime stakes Covert Action is a very accomplished piece of work from Director Romolo Guerrieri. A stellar cast, all delivering strong performances, adds to the enjoy ability of the film. Maurizio Merli gets to portray a more vulnerable side to his acting skills, and David Janssen is perfectly cast as a man with a past he is fighting to disassociate himself from. Arthur Kennedy delivers a demonstrative characterisation of self assured unpleasantness, and Ivan Rassimov emits an aura of stoic menace throughout.

A well paced slice of Seventies Euro espionage and crime. One that does not play to the Hollywood stereotype of good versus evil, but displays the shades of grey in between. Not everyone gets all that is coming to them, delivering instead a rather sombre conclusion, but at the same time a suitably realistic one.

Movie Rating: 7/10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

Covert Action (1978)

Director Romolo Guerrieri
With David Janssen, Corrine Clery, Maurizio Merli,
Arthur Kennedy, Philippe Leroy & Ivan Rassimov

Total Nonsense Angle ...

River Of Darkness

(2010 / USA)

‘‘How are you going to fight demons from hell  

when you don’t have God on your side !?’’

Stars from the world of wrestling entertainment step into the squared circle of film, in a match made in ‘B’ movie bad-ville. When a wronged family return from the dead, to take revenge upon their deceitful killers, the road to horror mania begins !.

In the small township of Cedar Springs Sheriff Will Logan (Kurt Angle) has a sudden spate of savage killings to investigate. First a young woman finishing her days shift at the diner is attacked, gutted, and strung up in a make shift style of crucifixion. A crude wooden board sign is left hung around her neck, written upon it is the word Hix. Other killings soon follow in equally brutal and bloody fashion. It seems that a trio of Cajun killers are on a murder spree. Big fish gutting hooks and axes are the tools of their trade.

Two night fishermen are butchered by the ghostly ghoul like killers, leaving them similarly marked with the branding of, Hix. Folk in Cedar Springs become very edgy, and when a local woman, dubbed Crazy Mary, breaks into the communal church, spouting off apocalyptic phrases and foretelling that ‘they’ have come back !, things start to get even darker.

Sheriff Logan seems to be not the most popular guy in his position of authority, but sets about his business with professionalism. He investigates the only lead he has, what in fact turns out to be a name, Hix. The locals don’t want to talk, but one older generation town stalwart imparts information that the id pertains to a man named Harvey Hix. It turns out that thirty years ago he, and a band of town folk vigilantes set upon, and killed three men unwelcome in the community. The Jacobs boys and their father kept themselves to themselves but were deemed lowlife vagrants and no good riff raff, unwelcome in Cedar Springs. When they failed to move on a local girl accuses one of the Jacobs boys of raping her. The falsehood leads Harvey Hix and his vigilantes to take justice into their own hands. All three men are unjustly attacked and murdered !.

Thirty years on and it seems that the Jacobs boys and papa Jacobs have returned from their watery grave, and are taking their own form of justice against those who turned upon them. Fish hooks in hand and gutting skills put to expert use, backed up by an axe apiece to grind out their gratuitous revenge.
It’s a pretty standard affair with all the applicable traits and attributes of low budget ‘B’ movie film making. The attention to detail and plot from the writing team often leaves its audience more dumbfounded than the on screen silliness. Sheriff Logan’s lack of knowledge with both locals and town history is ridiculous. Not knowing anything at all about an infamous town lynching and murder that occurred in the last thirty years is too odd for words. It is never quite clear as to whether he was raised in the town, or come in to be appointed sheriff in recent times !?.

The movie itself is pretty well filmed, and particularly the night scenes, replete with back lit creepy scenarios and suitably applied wafts of mist, make for good viewing. The best moments do actually come when the Jacobs family appear out of the mist and set about their tirade of terror. Fans of wrestling will no doubt delight in seeing the icons Psycho Sid Vicious and Kevin Nash apply their might to taking out the trash on the big screen. There really is something quite enjoyably quirky visible in their eyes when they swing that axe. Go Big Daddy ‘Kill’ !.

The small town fishing community, murders in the mist scenario certainly is reminiscent of John Carpenter’s The Fog (1980), but in reality the difference in class is vast. Carpenter’s movie is an all time classic and readily re-watchable, whereas River Of Darkness, once viewed is most likely to be ‘mist’ on repeat showings.

Pretty much all of the acting is wooden and visibly stilted, with the actors concentrating more on hitting their marks than relaxing into character. Kurt Angle does his best, but comes across in the Kurt Angle wrestling character school of acting. Not altogether a bad thing as a large portion of the likely audience for this will be from his fan base, and he’s a pretty decent all round good guy anyway so why the heck not.

This one is really for fans of the wrestling stars on show, and die hard ‘B’ movie horror fanatics easily forgiving of such well intentioned trite. Former Olympic champion Kurt Angle might have greater success in attaining future gold chasing the end of a rainbow than pursuing a serious acting career, but if he can take himself less seriously in future roles it could be good times for all. Oh it’s true, it’s damn true !.

Movie Rating: 3/10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source UK PAL Region 2 DVD

River Of Darkness (2010)
Director Bruce Koehler
With Kurt Angle, Bill Hinzman, Kevin Nash,
Psycho Sid Vicious, Bill Laing & Ray ‘Glacier’ Llloyd

Indonesian Biblical Brawn ...

La Revanche De Samson

aka Revenge Of Samson

(1987/Indonesia)

A body building Mr. Australia runner up plays the lead role of Samson, in a hair brained rib tickler of bizarrely biblical proportions from the wonderfully idiosyncratic Indonesians. With the sun shining, Paul Hay makes the most of his given opportunity to bathe in the glory of cinematic cult hood, alongside the queen of Indonesian screen horror Suzzanna, in the role of Delilah.

Samson toils the land and trains his body and mind with his elder physical and spiritual guru. Harnessing great strength and amazing agility Samson is able to break boulders with his bare hands, split rock faces in two and pull trees out of the ground to their very roots.
The time comes for Samson to undertake a journey of discovery and upon his path he soon comes upon the exotic and opulently apparelled Delilah. Her horse and carriage out of control, Samson steps in to assist her and their tale of destiny begins. She is a lady of the gentry and her father is shortly thereafter revealed as being the governor of the province, and a powerful oppressor of the poor with the might of the military behind him. Samson has traversed into this larger world from his own, where he quickly encounters the evil and avarice for wealth and power of man.

The mean spirited might of the military is unleashed with some regularity upon the hard working and humble villagers. The soldiers usurp their position with intimidation and forceful might, beating the men and assaulting the women. His own family brutally slaughtered before his very own eyes as just a small boy, by the corrupt and villainous hierarchy, Samson’s time to fight back and take a stand for the villagers is now !.
A great display of strength and mobility up against a far greater number of men gives the villagers reason for hope in the deliverance of a hero and saviour. Samson’s bravado cannot overcome the overwhelming number of soldiers however and it is only the intervention of Delilah that pardons his precocious indiscretion against the odds. Detained at her pleasure Samson is bound and whipped at her very own hand. Inherently she desires him, yet her proclivity for inflicting pain is as intrinsic as her need for reciprocal pleasure.

Samson uses his wits to escape and with his flight of freedom he takes Delilah, against her will. His intention is to show her kindness and gentleness in an attempt to uncover her inner beauty. The life lesson is short lived and Samson sends Delilah back to her all consuming father, who immediately reacts to the deed of abduction by calling upon the services of a fearsome professional mercenary for hire. This is no ordinary hired hand mind you, not in a freakin’ Indonesian movie that’s for darned sure. Punch your purchase ticket for the freak show has arrived, and the journey ahead is an off the rails raucous riot. Enter The Cyclops !. A powerhouse one man army, one single eyed monster of a man. A beast that lives to dispense pain and likely sleeps with his one eye open. Forty winks to him is a sight for sore eye. Along with his two henchmen they storm into the villagers camp to cause upheaval and demand Samson show himself to them. Samson does not disappoint and neither does the Action at this point as the weapons come out, and Samson pumps up his own guns in another mighty show of strength against his challengers. Cyclops steps up with an enormous ball and mace upon a long chain, enabling far reaching swinging carnage to both solid structure and far less forgiving human skin and bone. Combined with a circular bladed shield, replete with sharp spear tipped accoutrements, The Cyclops has a keen eye for carnage. The gauging, slicing and hacking brings forth blood and gore in a showpiece showdown that provides a show reel mini movie in itself to warrant many a rewind moment. Lucky for Samson that just prior to all this he had a warm up session going hand to horns against a full grown Ox, wrestling with it and eventually body slamming in outlandish glee. A gory impaling and a bloody body in two slicing conclude the impropriety of the Cyclops and his cronies.

What a deliriously entertaining piece of high camp entertainment La Revanche De Samson is. Incredible that the films biggest patrons at the time of release were the French, and how very unfortunate that even today the films release is inherently under exposed to a starved world audience. Dark eye make up, dodgy moustaches and garish garments all add to this adult pantomime to gander upon.
Unable to break Samson’s indomitable spirit the governor calls upon the services of another bizarre mercenary. A mystic with great powers and abilities to manipulate the human form into a malleable state, that in demonstration displays some freakish representations of his skills.

Samson has to square up to the mystics embodiment of a nigh on indestructible fighter, who doesn’t know when to quit, even when sliced in half, and disembodied from his lower half leaving his legs to fight on against the disbelieving Samson. It’s almost a runaway success for the mystics man, until Samson once again uses his resourcefulness to get a foot hold on proceedings. There’s plenty of entrails spillage and spurting bloody stumps on show here, all thrown on display with a wry vein of silliness that cannot be taken seriously at all. It’s all outlandish absurdity with a zestful playfulness.

Events turn a little to the dark side as Delilah steps in to seduce Samson and entrap him with her womanly wiles. Intoxicated by her charm in her mobile harem Delilah enacts a perversely stimulating food fetish courtship that must have caused a storm for the Indonesian censors. What transpires is feminine deception on a grand biblical scale in a prophetic enactment, as Samson falls to Delilah’s doctored drink potion. During his state of unconsciousness Samson is shorn of his sinuous locks of hair by her very hand, then without her knowledge he is viciously blinded by her fathers spineless right hand man, gouging his eyes out with his sword blade.

Samson is sent to the mining mills and there left to rot in a life of chained servitude.
Learning of Samson’s fate Delilah is remorseful and shocked at the cruel treatment befallen upon her true love. She secretly visits to comfort him, and to confess her sins and deep sorrow at his pitiful demise. Her fathers military general and right hand man, responsible for the cowardly and despicable castigation of Samson, watches on in the shadows, revelling in the couples despair.
What can possibly save Samson, and escalate his pitiful plight up from the pit of despair not normally so associated with the feel good factor of an Indonesian production !?. Well fear thee not seekers of the subliminally sublime, and anticipators of the insanely beyond possible comprehension in all your wildest dreams, for when Samson calls upon the heavens above for help how the heck can even they justify turning a blind eye to the ocular challenged hero to the people !?.
If you haven’t by this point been completely drawn into the mercurial majesty of this treasure trove of Indonesian insanity then be sure to check yourself into the funny farm for the finale, as it will flabbergast your very fibre and likely turn your brain to mush. What a way to go though.

The resurgence of Samson is brought about by buxom breasts and magical nipples that you’ll definitely keep those eyes out for. Surely this is best defined as a see cup moment. Only in Indonesian cinema, or your most fantastical wildest dreams, could what transpires, come to be.
Can a rejuvenated Samson still stand tall and fight against the governor and all his military might ?. With a further prayer to the heavens above, and a grand old free for all mighty brawl for final justice, you can be assured that Samson brings the house down !.

Movie Rating: 7/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source French PAL DVD

La Revanche De Samson (1987)
Director Sisworo Gautama Putra
With Suzzanna, Paul Hay,
Rolf Halberstadt, Corbi Vile, A.J. Eikman,
Menkahay & Matthias Kurt

Japanese VHS Goodness Abounds On Ebay ...

Ebay Auctions

Part II January 2011

Wow, how quickly has the new year begun !?. Almost through January and February swiftly approaching. Just placed some more Japanese Original VHS Tape Goodness up for Auction over at Ebay. An Action lovin' mixed bag including an outrageously over the top trailblazing jungle rollercoaster from Thailand, a giant shark with even bigger teeth from Italian 'B' movie maestro Bruno Mattei, with his glorious Xerox of Jaws. More from Bruno with the Sci-fi insanity that is Shocking Dark. Splice Aliens with The Terminator and throw some Bruno gloop over the mix and you get the most entertaining, non stop Action lunacy to revel in.

All of the pictures below link to the Ebay Auctions and are scans of the actual Videos that are on offer.

Please do take the time to check them out, and anyone considering, or actually bidding upon, the very best of luck, and Thank You.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270696069514&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
(SOLD)

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270696063451&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
(SOLD)

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270696080152&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
(SOLD)

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270696074552&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270696087970&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
(SOLD)