Post Apocalyptic Pitre Dish ...

Bounty Killer

(2013 / USA)

Director Henry Saine

With Matthew Marsden, Christian Pitre, Kristanna Loken,

Barak Hardley, Gary Busey & Beverly D’Angelo

‘‘You’re my fender bender’’

It’s 2042 and the world’s been laid to waste by feuding business corporations, suckled to excess on mother earth’s natural resources. Now the white collar criminals all have a price on their head for the crimes committed. Corporations are no longer king. In this future it pays to be a Bounty Killer, and the queen of the kill is … Mary Death !.

The Post Apocalyptic Action movie is back with a ‘B’ movie bang, and with more than just a blast from the past resurrected dust cloud. ‘Bounty Killer’ hits the waste ground running & doesn’t let off the gas throughout its smile inducing entirety. With a foundation of, ‘Mad Max: The Road Warrior’ (1982), the make up of, ‘Warriors Of The Wasteland’ (1983) & a deliciously doffing deference to, ‘Death Race 2000’ (1975), ‘Bounty Killer’, puts peddle to the metal in a post nuke pleasure pastiche, layered upon a spaghetti western platform & ladled up with lashings of blood letting, Action, Mayhem !. 

This neatly realized vision of a post apocalyptic landscape is enhanced with well integrated matte drawn back drops, and its mid movie sequence introducing the nomadic Gypsies, a tribe of professed cannibals and wild savages, as they chase after the protagonists into the wastelands, is a well layered example of such application. An action packed effects sequence well worth anticipating, but cross these Gypsies and your future will be swiftly predetermined !. 

The metal steed riding motorcycle horseman of the post apocalypse known as Drifter (Matthew Marsden), is a bounty hunter driven by his need for retribution and redemption. Himself once aligned within the ranks of the white collar free rollers, until the realization of the affect of the all consuming avarice eating away at the world, renounced the Corporation, and ever since the apocalyptic downfall tracks down the egotistical propriety among its surviving hub.

Drifter is the new age future version of Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name, but with the quirkier disposition akin to that of a dialogue dishing Rowdy Roddy Piper from, ‘They Live’ (1988). He may not be chewing gum, but he sure knows how to kick ass !. His ample array of fire power comes side kick supplied by his trusty gun caddy Jack LeMans (Barak Hardley), a jittery hanger on who bathes in the new world rock star limelight emitted by the bounty killers, but who soon earns Drifter’s respect. Caddying up shooting irons for the right range to take down the bad guys, stay the course, and bag the bounty. Drifter is a shooting iron pro, but he only gets his wood out for … Mary Death.

Feature movie newcomer, and super hot starlet of the future, Christian Pitre is the freeze frame bounty killer heroine babe of the piece, Mary Death. Sat back with a beverage in hand you’ll spill your juice as she hit’s the screen just before you do !. Blessed with a fabulous female form to unzip with your eyes and cry with joy as she kicks future butt like Barbarella working out to a Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do self instructional DVD. With knockout attributed curves and a pair of throat slicing spurs spinning on her heels, Mary Death is well christened, and the lord help all who cross her. This apocalyptic angel of death is a sex popsicle of perdition, dishing out a hell of a lot more than she takes a licking !.

Mary Death and Drifter are a formidable pairing as they join forces to purge the planet of the pre apocalyptic surviving cancer that is The Corporation. A still privileged society protected by the suited and booted armed militia of their matriarch, Catherine (Kristanna Loken). Her yellow tie wearing force headed up by chief cohort Van Sterling, played by the always watch able, out there antics of  a beguilingly bonkers Gary Busey. Kristanna Loken’s conceited bitch of a character wants Drifter back in her ranks, and everyone else outside of The Corporation society, Terminated !.

Based upon the Cool graphic novel of the same name, from Robert Kirkman’s (The Walking Dead) Kickstart Production stable, ‘Bounty Killer’ is very much a hyper Cool comic book page to screen translation that works supremely well. On screen graphics etch out indelible imagery to enhance the comic book Fun at opportune times throughout the film. Oft displayed bodily dismemberment, and siphons of blood, paint the screens canvas with such tongue in cheek rapture that even the staunchest of disbelievers viewing will revel in its wry intentions to successfully entertain. 

Matthew Marsden makes for a charming hero, and Christian Pitre a lethal, yet lovely heroine. Perfect casting all round & the end credit outtake reel shows just how much fun was had by all in the making of the film.

It has been all too long since a good Post Apocalyptic Action movie has come along, and, ‘Bounty Killer’ is a very good one indeed. Blessed with a decent budget, well done CGI effects and backdrops, along with some very well done practical effects to boot. The future of the Post Nuke movie is looking good, rallied as it was once before it seems, this time in the pre wake of a new, ‘Mad Max’ movie, with the highly anticipated, ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ due out in (2015). 

Dig out your leathers, stock up on water & fuel, then saddle on up with Drifter & Mary Death for a Post Apocalyptic party that even Prince could not have foretold back in 1999 !.

Movie Rating: 7 /10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source Region 2 Blu-ray - German Steelbook Edition

Bounty Killer (2013)
Director Henry Saine

With Christian Pitre, Matthew Marsden, Kristanna Loken,
Barak Hardley, Gary Busey & Beverly D'Angelo

Cirio H. Santiago's Post Nuke Carnage ...

Wheels Of Fire

(1985/USA/Philippines)

In a post apocalyptic future, where fuel is precious, those that rule the roads set the rules. A despotic bandit known as Scourge terrorises the desolate landscape, taking what he wants from those that stray from the protective umbrella of the last remnants of societies liberal governors. With a small army of barbaric men at his command there is little resistance left to oppose his reign of terror, and high on his agenda is illicit regulation of the regions fuel reserves. The fight for the future rests with Mad Max makeover macho man Trace (Gary Watkins), and a gutsy gung ho girl named Stinger (Laura Banks), to stand up to the Scourge and bring hope to a post nuke nightmare !.

A Filipino filmed fuel injected futuristic flick, made on a micro budget for Roger Corman’s Concorde Pictures production company. Polish is applied to proceedings by director Cirio H. Santiago, who knows how to deliver Action entertainment. Ably squeezing all the thrills and spills, along with mighty explosions and car stunt arrangements, into his predominantly exterior locations shot frames.

Tough guy Trace looks out for himself and his own, avoiding unnecessary run ins with the Scourge and his anarchic army of followers. That self imposed law is revoked when Trace’s sister Arlie (Lynda Weismeier) is chased down, beaten, raped and taken captive by the lawless lackeys of the Scourge. Trace weapons up and revs up his super charged super car, engaged for Action and hell bent on getting his sister back !.

The desert backdrop landscape is the perfect canvas for Cirio H. Santiago to adorn his Action laden picture with multitudes of speeding motorcycles and automobiles, racing around, smashing and crashing all over the place. Trace tears up his tires in relentless pursuit of Scourge’s hideout, and in his destructive wake he gives aid to a female soldier of fortune, caught in the crossfire of a Scourge attack. Together they take out the trash, and Trace has a new ally in the shape of Stinger (Laura Banks), one tough tigress of a girl who it just so happens also has a score to settle with the Scourge.

It’s an inevitability that Trace and Stinger will come face to face with Scourge, and in that respect the Action filled finale does not disappoint. Their journey together on route throws up a few tricky encounters along the way, including a run in with an underground race of flesh eating beings known as The Sandmen. Pulled into the caverns of The Sandmen, beneath the surface of the shifting sands, Trace and Stinger have to fight their way out against a daylight affected race akin to the Morlocks from The Time Machine (1960). Here they meet and rescue a young woman named Spike, a feisty girl who can look out for herself and who also has the gift of E.S.P. Her ability to read thoughts proves invaluable and immediately gives her and her two new friends the advantage they need to make good their escape from the frenzied cannibals !.

Plenty of gun Action, fist fights and pretty well staged car chase sequences, and crash stunts, keep viewers nicely preoccupied with what is front and centre, cleverly detracting from what is otherwise a flimsy script and bare bones set up. It is easy to forgive any shortfalls here though as Wheels Of Fire never once pretends to be anything other than what it is, and that is low budget ‘B’ movie hokum, with an accentuation on Action. A bare bones, bare breasted, bare knuckle ride along the highway to hell, in a post apocalyptic world where each new day is a fight for survival !.

Movie Rating: 2.5/5

Review by Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

Wheels Of Fire (1985)

Director Cirio H. Santiago
With Gary Watkins, Laura Banks, Lynda Weismeier,
Linda Grovenor & Joe Mari Avellana 

SyFy Opens Hanger 18 ...

Area 51

(2011 / USA)

‘‘I want this to go quickly, and cleanly’’

When the government, under continued pressure, gives in to allow strictly monitored visitor access to Hanger 18 in Area 51, what has lain secret for decades takes a fancy to its ‘Alien’ visitation.

Reporter Sam Whitaker (John Shea), and highly watched news blog investigator Claire Fallon (Vanessa Branch), are allowed chaperoned access to Area 51, along with their personal photographer and camera woman, to take notes and ask questions on a specially arranged guided tour. Once the doors open the floodgates soon spill forth far more than any of them could have ever imagined for, beyond their wildest expectations !.

Base leader Colonel Ronald Martin (Bruce Boxleitner), of the U.S Air Force, takes the reporter quartet on the suitably arranged show and not so much tell walk through the infamous Hanger 18. Global spy devices and prototype weapons are discussed and shown off, whilst anticipated talk of any alien activity and captivity is dismissed by the military man.

In a lower level of the base scientists and security go about their regular daily routines, including of course interacting with the actual alien life forms that do indeed reside, and in many cases are actually restrained in high security isolation. On this particular day, however, things do not go schedule. Alien Patient Zero, a shape shifting entity able to adopt and mimic the physiology and characteristics of whatever living thing it comes into contact with, chooses this very day, after twenty five years of passive stability, to escape its cell and wreak havoc throughout the base.

The internal alarm is raised and lockdown is instigated. It isn’t just Patient Zero that Colonel Martin and his men have to concern themselves with, but the escape of some other alien entities, far less intelligent than Patient Zero, and with a violent temperament and hunger for flesh !.

What excels, to the movies great credit, is its non reliance on any overly apparent CGI, and indeed some good old fashioned cool looking men in monster suits. Gore splattering, sinew snapping, blood spurting schlock horror galore ensues in this very well made, better budgeted than usual, SyFy Channel outing. Sure it borrows heavily from a multitude of Sci-Fi, horror themes and movies, but does so with an enjoyable spring in its step. Military fatigued soldiers issued with regulation weapons and perimeter scanning devices is straight out of Aliens (1986), but it’s a well used staple that pretty much succeeds every time, and this is no exception.

There is some alien folklore titbits amongst the mix to look out for, and indeed smile at their introduction, such as the introduction of Hanger 18’s resident friendly alien J-Rod, working with the military on a way to return home since crash landing here in the desert back in the fifties !. A highly intelligent being who’s understanding of the entity Patient Zero assists Colonel Martin is invaluable. Along with the four guest visitors to the base they have to work together to stay alive, and find a way to bring order back to the facility.

With the nastier alien variants escaping from the lower levels, up and out to the topside facility, it lays with the brave last line of military defence to go head to tail with them. Guns and gore galore as aliens and soldiers go out on a limb to take each other out !. Pretty impressive stuff then for a made for television syndication movie, and most worthy of any sci-fi, horror, action loving fans attention.

Movie Rating: 6/10

Review by Paul Cooke / Source SyFy Channel

Area 51 (2011)

Director Jason Connery
With Bruce Boxleitner, Jason London, John Shea,
Vanessa Branch & Rachel Miner

Post Apocalyptic Ferrigno ...

Desert Warrior

(1988/USA/Philippines)

‘‘Law is meant for man, not man for the law’’

It is twenty years following the Third World War, and the planet has been plunged back into an age of barbarianism since the nuclear holocaust. Scavengers roam the desolate landscape, preying on whatever they can to eat, including each other !.

One bright hope for the future of mankind emerges. The Drones. Civilised survivors intent upon reviving order from chaos, and rebuilding a new civilisation. A noble cause, threatened by the nomadic savages.

In a world with no law the strong rule and under their tenure those that dare oppose the regime of Baktar, leader of the Tyrogs, must fight for their lives in a makeshift arena in a battle to the death. Like gladiators before their Roman Emperor, in an open domed basic construct, akin to that in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985), those foolish enough to cross Baktar have to stand against his champion in combat. That champion is none other than classic TV’s The Hulk, Lou Ferrigno. An eye patch wearing goliath of a warrior named Zerak.

Baktar’s self prophetic legacy is to spawn the first newborn free of infection from radiation poisoning. His opportunity comes along when the feisty Racela, from the race of Drones, patrols with her male companion beyond the designated safe perimeters of their underground community. Their advanced tech all terrain craft, replete with laser weapons, is attacked by the savages and Racela is taken hostage.

With news of Racela’s disappearance reaching the Drone high command, her father General Cortaz beseeches with the governing council permission to breach protocol and send out a search party. His request is immediately denied, only to be overturned on the strict adherence to the ruling that should he choose to leave the confines of the Drone domicile, then he, and whomever volunteers to go with him, may never again return.

Clearly green with envy at the scavengers having a pure and clean female specimen, and under order from Baktar, warrior of the wasteland Lou Ferrigno gets astride his retro three wheeled motorcycle, and along with his men roars to the rescue. It’s not long before he clashes with the scavengers as they go head to head with all manner of old fashioned weaponry. Top trumped only by a grenade launcher and of course Zerak wielding his mighty sword. Well it’s only to be expected when you make him angry !.

Zerak saves the girl but is injured in the process and only a grateful Racela can assist him in getting back to his own people, the Tyrogs. Unbeknownst to them whilst they struggle across the desert terrain, Racela’s father and two companions are not far behind, following their tracks in order to rescue her.

Back in the bosom of Baktar’s domain Zerak soon realises that he has feelings for Racela, and she for him. He cannot allow Baktar to force himself upon this innocent who in turn saved him from surely dying alone in the wilderness. In order to save her he must turn against his own people and align forces with General Cortaz to escape the clutches of Baktar.

Ferrigno fulfils his role as the resourceful anti hero pretty well in what is clearly a low budget outing, and his ‘B’ movie bravado comes into its own when he is allowed some clobbering time.

It’s a struggle to get back to the Drone complex, and to share in the news of a breakthrough by their scientists regarding the radiation poisoning, and an even greater one to overcome the mandate of the no return policy !. A battle ensues outside the underground complex as the location is compromised. The fight for dominance prevails as guns and knives go up against laser beam weaponry and organised tacticians, but the shear number of barbaric Tyrogs is more than enough for the Drones to cope with. It is up to General Cortaz, Racela and the hulking Zerak to bring order from chaos between the fighting factions. With Lou Ferrigno leading the way the planets future surely must be green.



Movie Rating: 6/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

Desert Warrior (1988)

Director Jim Goldman
With Lou Ferrigno, Shari Shattuck, Mike Cohen,
Anthony East & Mike Monty

Post Nuke 'Bots Kinda Rule In ...

Robot Holocaust

(1986/USA)

‘‘The Dark One has consumed your father’’

The Post Nuke genre has provided great entertainment from many a low budget filmmaking auteur, particularly during the Eighties when the cycle of Mad Max (1979) clones was most prevalent, but with Robot Holocaust something far more devastating than a global disaster brought this to be !.

The opening credits have the traditional serious toned foreboding voiceover, post script the nuclear devastation, and telling of the age of the Mechanoids and the great robot rebellion of 2033. Earth is now known as New Terra, after the robots turned on their masters. The planet is governed by an unseen being known as The Dark One. This all powerful entity rules by enslaving the surviving human race by controlling the planets oxygen. His source is a structure known as the power station. Here the mighty mechanical machinery siphons the atmosphere and The Dark One’s robotic minions, aided by the still human supreme bitch Valaria, in order to rule over the populace. The enslaved people are known as Air Slaves, as they are kept in order by The Dark One’s constant threat of any and all being intoxicated by air restriction, and lethal exposure to New Terra’s true toxic environment.

From the ashes of the destruction, and from out of the wastelands comes Neo, a new champion of the people and a nemesis to The Dark One. Oh dear lord, if only the premise could deliver !. In all honesty the best, and truly only way to derive any pleasure from this shot in a few days, on the budget of the revenue from a car boot sale, is to buy into the fact that this is trying it’s best to actually pay homage to the Italian Post Nuke movies of the Eighties, ironically putting a spin on the fact that the European market at that time was of course cashing in on the far bigger budgeted Hollywood movies.

Any true lover of the Italian futuristic Sci-Fi, after the bomb type delights such as 2019: After The Fall Of New York (1983), The Bronx Warriors (1982), Bronx Warriors II: Escape From The Bronx (1983) and The New Barbarians (1982), will be able to recognise many elements of plagiarism. Mutant gangs and characters, along with costume and defiant swagger are noticeable, but truly only if you are an aficionado of the genre, anyone else is going to wonder what the heck is this dreck !. And to be fair, that would perfectly sum it all up.

For a general audience, without the benefit of having glorified in the delights of Post Nuke goodness Robot Holocaust is like a puerile futuristic variation of The Wizard Of Oz (1939) . Certainly the overall experience is a brainless mess, the movie lacks any real heart and it surely took all the courage of those involved on screen to ever show their faces at the screen actors guild again !. Up on the celluloid though is Nero, who along with his humanoid robot companion Klyton, unites with various futuristic misfits, including a barbarian she wolf Amazonian, a Tarzan look alike and a scientists daughter with the ability to breathe both pure and contaminated air unaided.

The band of misfits come together during Neo’s trek to the power station, and not with the purpose of seeking out Robert Palmer to sign him up for a record label deal with a couple of disenchanted members of Duran Duran at that time, as Neo and new metallic tag along buddy Kryton seek to bring down The Dark One !.

It is genuinely laugh out loud hysterical clearly recognising that the journey undertaken is through Central Park in Manhattan, New York. There isn’t really any great attempt to disguise this fact, but it is stupefying brilliant that director Tim Kincaid still rallies proceedings along with interjected action silliness, and designer disaster characters to at least create the illusion of delivering entertainment.

Inferred bog creatures, and pool creatures in the Central Park scenic ponds is creative only to the degree that the camera is kept low level to hide the obvious fact of where they are actually filming. Shooting at a restricted degree at these times is often through conveniently placed reeds and plants to create the illusion of futuristic foliage. At times it most definitely is cringe worthy stuff, but gorilla film making at its most desperate for sure.

There are a few Fun moments to be had, one of which is the scene in which Neo and followers first enter the underground tract in order to gain undetected access into the realm of The Dark One, in order to storm the power station. Here they are beset by sewage worms, bloodthirsty oversized blind slither critters that dwell within the walls of the sewer. Okay so they’re hand puppets, but use your imagination and role with it for cripes sake.

The overall tone and colour of the under ground segments show the movie in its best light, now let’s not get too excited, we are not talking Mario Bava here, but clearly the Roger Corman school of lighting, set decoration, and good use of what is naturally at hand, is to be fair, put to good use. Look out for an inferred big spider creature effect as the scientists daughter is ensnared within a web, only to be teasingly pawed by an off screen beastie shyly reaching out to our maiden in distress with a briefly seen wobbly hairy leg with a clawed foot !, The Giant Claw (1957) should be considered an Oscar winning feature on the back of this display !.

Robot Holocaust, likely to cash in on its piggy back European veneer, even carries the title of, I Robot Conquistano Il Mondo, cleverly slipping out onto Eighties VHS no doubt to return a modest sum very much in line with the Italian faux film Xeroxed clones of the time. Due accolade to the film makers on that score, exporting American garbage cleverly packaged back to Italy as if produced in Europe, but overall Robot Holocaust is without doubt a Post ApoCRAPalyptic disaster.

If you truly need to experience then seek it out on the MGM HD channel, as it at least cleans up very nicely, and those underground scenes do look fresh and vibrant in colour and hue with a high definition enhancement. The movie also runs out at sub eighty minutes. Be sure to disengage brain, and imbue yourself with plenty of to hand cold brews if deciding to still pursue the Post Nuke abomination that is Robot Holocaust.

Movie Rating: 3/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source The MGM HD Movie Channel

Robot Holocaust (1986)

Director Tim Kincaid
With Norris Culf, Nadine Hartstein,
J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner, Jennifer Delora,
Andrew Howarth, Angelika Jager,
Michael Downend & Rick Gianasi

Project UFO: The Phillip J. Roth Files

Antibody

(2002/USA)

''It's like being front row at a Dead concert''

Miniature mayhem aboard a craft smaller than the size of a pinhead. Not the Hellraiser (1987) variety but more like Lost In Space with Robin Givens doing a fine impersonation of Robot, and Lance Henriksen looking like Dr. Zachary Smith. Danger, danger ahead as ex F.B.I agent Dr. Richard Gaynes, as played by Henriksen, undertakes a fantastical voyage into the bloodstream of a terrorist. Next stop Raquel Welch’s brazier, to get to see the bigger picture. Yes indeed there are more than passing updated similarities between Antibody, and the Richard Fleischer Directed 1966 classic Fantastic Voyage.

Star Henriksen is a bomb disposal expert who is called upon to help save the day from a terrorist who has a coded detonator chip hidden within his own body, primed to cause a world threatening bomb to go off should he die. The only way to stop the threat is to undertake the exploratory journey into the unknown aboard the Helix, shrunk down to nano technology size and syringed into the terrorists blood stream.

This is no wild adventure ride at Disney Land but the concept is just as Goofy. With what appears to be a smaller than usual budget for a U.F.O production, the credibility stakes really do take a back seat upon this journey into the incredible. Robin Givens truly looks like she might have been better off going ten rounds with Mike Tyson, with the audience most likely stooling the corner for the special effects. Computer generated imagery is top notch and the saving grace for the movies basic entertainment value. The Helix craft is one of those must have collectables if ever it became available, and the appearance of the mighty skin tick creature at the movies climax is definitely worth scratching around for until the finale.

A minimalist starring roster includes Dr. Gaynes security agency buddy Otto, William Zabka, the bad boy bully from the original The Karate Kid (1984) movie , who pretty much gets to just hang around wishing he could get to wax on and wax off the Helix that he secretly must wish he had gotten to ride upon.

The clock ticks down in true last second to save the world fashion with Henriksen and crew fighting off white blood cells, and a bad case of reject furniture from the original series Star Trek. That’s acting Lance, but not as we know it !. Funny moments come with an elevator that is clearly not built to carry a stretcher, and has to be shot from different angles, along with a medical table that wobbles as much as its occupant who is critically wounded, and clearly not meant to be moved !. Unintentional giggles aside Antibody is silly Sci Fi Channel escapism that allows ninety minutes to slip by without offending anyone, other than perhaps those with a terminal case of bad movie-itous.

Movie Rating: 5/10

Review Paul Cooke / Source Region 1 NTSC DVD

Antibody (2002)

Director Christian McIntire

With Lance Henriksen, Robin Givens, William Zabka,

Gaston Pauls, Teodora Ivanova & Stella Ivanova

Batoru Gâru Babe Slays 'Em Dead

Battle Girl

The Living Dead In Tokyo Bay

(1991/Japan)

‘‘You guys are so gross’’

A meteorite spirals through the Earths stratosphere on a collision course with Tokyo Japan. With Godzilla on a break, off the back of astronomical summer blockbuster box office takings, its down to mankind to sort this one out. Mind you, just because the season is a little chilly, doesn’t give Mothra an excuse for not lending a wing !.
The inter galactic Rock hits Tokyo Bay, and if you can smell what it’s cooking you are one jabroni lovin’ horror fan that’s been waiting a very long time for this one to surface. Finally The Living Dead In Tokyo Bay has come back out, on DVD.
Okay, sure there’s some juvenile WWE Dwayne Johnson tomfoolery you just had to groan through, but it’s actually not totally misplaced. What’s this candy assed Jabroni jabbering about you ask !?, well its know your role time, and it just so comes to be that starlet Cutie Susuki was a famous female wrestler. Maybe not anywhere near as big as The Rock, but what’s a noodle compared to the might of his stroodle !?. Here though, as super suited enhanced Battle Girl, she can layeth the smack down and become the peoples champ.
When the meteorite hits, the after impact takes out buildings and people alike, killing hundreds of innocents. The after effect of the blast leaves Tokyo Bay enveloped in a dense smog, bringing darkness to the area and turning daytime into night. In come the armed special forces, replete with Michael Jackson protective face masks. They are soon entertaining a Thriller night as the very recent dead rise up as marauding Zombies.
The scientists deduce that those killed in the blast have been infected by a chemical reaction between a heavy metal, associated with the meteor rather than a sell out appearance by Kiss legend Gene Simmons, and nitrogen in the air. The combination creating what they describe as a Cosmo-Amphetamine, which integrates itself into human DNA, transforming the recent dead into Zombies. (Cautionary Note from on line seller ZomBoy: Cosmo-Amphetamine is currently not available on Ebay, and for legal reasons herewith stated allegedly never has been).
There is an electro magnetic pulse fence erected around the perimeter between Tokyo City and the Bay region. Its instantaneous and conclusive purpose is to stop anything living, or otherwise from breaking free out into Tokyo itself. The set ups effectiveness is shown in the demise of a straggling dog, who is fritzed like a Homer Simpson animation cell lit up for Christmas.

Colonel Kirihara is in control of military operations within Tokyo Bay, at least he was until he went missing. His daughter Keiko is roaming around the bay region, seeking out a contact point to take instruction from her father. She finds secure sanctuary and within receives a very recent recorded message from Colonel Kirihara. He informs her that he is heading up a rescue operation for the survivors and plans to take them across the water to an island safe haven, free from Zombie activity. He warns her of renegade military, and a faction called the Human Hunter Unit. They are Zombie soldiers, an intelligent hybrid already evolved from the immediate effects of the blast. They kill freely whether still living human or the un-dead, and they can use weapons !.
Keiko’s father Colonel Kirihara bestows upon his stoic daughter a military designed battle suit to enhance her fighting abilities, and protect her from retaliatory assault. Kitting up in the lightweight, practically impervious, super compound rubber robo warrior outfit she is ready for Action. It finds her immediately as exiting the safe room she is hit upon by one of the super Zombie soldiers. A nifty display of feet and fists from Keiko, swiftly followed by a garrotte to the throat, and a follow through beheading. A spray of Zombie blue blood gushes forth, and Battle Girl is born !.
With Colonel Kirihara off the scene Captain Fujioke has taken leadership of the military Autonomous Security Unit within the cordoned off Tokyo Bay area. He proves to be one militant psycho soldier, believing it his patriotic duty to lead Japan into a brave new world. To turn the Cosmo-Amphetamine against the rest of the planet and create an army of Japanese super Zombie soldiers. A new race of superior beings.
Within the bowels of a central conglomerate building he has set up his scientists in a laboratory, experimenting on both the living and the un-dead. What he creates is a super serum from the Cosmo-Amphetamine. When injected directly into a recently killed subject it reanimates them, infusing their genetic makeup with a cocktail that enhances them in every way.
There’s an odd mishmash of characters and themes perhaps taken inspiration of from John Carpenter’s Escape From New York (1981). An organised gang of youths driving around the Bay region in a single decked fortified bus, picking off Zombies and doing a roaring trade in supplies from food to weapons, are amongst the oddities that Keiko encounters. Later in the movie, however, they team together in common alliance against the despotic Captain Fujioke and his zealot Zombies. The bus battalion refer to themselves as The Battle Kids, so it is appropriate that they eventually align with Battle Girl !.

Watching Cutie Susuki in Action as Battle Girl is worth the price of admission. Her real life wrestling ability affords her the ability to pull off some incredible moves, and most likely than not doing all of her own stunt work. At least one of the super Zombies she comes up against is clearly a fellow professional wrestler, as the two women pull off a nifty array of signature moves against each other. Amongst the more bizarre of the mutated monstrosities that Keiko has a run in with is a garish looking gargantuan, sporting a full set of sharp metal teeth and a matching steel clawed hand. Things get a little fraught towards the destructive finale and there is more than a fair smattering of blood letting, and limb lopping along the way.
Its all very silly but in an entertaining way, that with a sub seventy five minute duration delivers enough to sensibly not outstay its welcome. Battle Girl come closure has that to be continued feel about it, but although a sequel was not forthcoming it is not inconceivable in the current Japanese video shot market place, that someone will pick this up and breath new life into Battle Girl. With the glut of outrageously gory Anime styled movies being made and doing so well, what could be done with the character and the world she inhabits today is boundless. An ultra-violent, all Action live shot Anime, emblazoning Battle Girl across our screens once more, is a mighty Wrestlemania moment to die for. Now, just bring it !.

Movie Rating: 5/10

Review: Paul Cooke / Source: NTSC Region 1 DVD

Battle Girl: The Living Dead In Tokyo Bay (1991)

Director Kazuo 'Gaira' Komizu

With Cutie Suzuki,Kenji Otsuki & Kera Hayase

Monster Bugs Abound

Star Runners

(2009/USA)

‘‘We’re gonna need a lotta ammo’’

Connor Trinneer, aka Commander Trip Tucker III from Star Trek Enterprise, goes boldly into un-chartered space and ends up on a planet overrun with oversized mutant bugs. Phasers set to stun wont get the job done here, it’s heavy assed artillery and size fifty boots required to squash these ‘B’ movie beasties.

Trinneer is Tycho ‘Ty’ Johns, a galactic swashbuckling smuggler, who along with friend and fellow likeable rogue Lei Chen (James Kyson-Lee, perhaps best known for his role as Ando in the hit TV show Heroes), stay under the radar of the totalitarian planetary authorities. They wheel and deal to survive, helping those who need it along the way, avoiding conflict but more than able to stand their ground in a tight situation.

Their bodacious bravado is brought to a halt when Universal Police principal Bishop, an autocratic overlord with overtures of Darth Vader without James Earl Jones’ voice, reins in their space craft by deploying an intricate stinger trap. Cornered by a measurable fleet of Universal Police space ships in a well planned pincher movement Ty and Lei Chan have no choice but to give themselves up. They have been an irritant to Bishop for some time, but he has stretched his resources at this time to ensnare his nemesis in order to put his particular skills to use for his own nefarious gain !.

Bishop offers Ty and his cohort a way out of doing hard time penal by getting them to acquire a very special cargo of a containment crate. They are to locate and retrieve the crate, not open it, and return to Bishop as a priority. They have no choice but to accept his terms. Bishop of course ensures that the two men and their craft are well tagged in order to keep tabs on them, should they be foolish enough to make a run for it.
Ty calls upon his underground contacts for information about the ‘crate’ and any unusual activity surrounding what is clearly a hot item. Its not long before he and Lei Chan locate their commission, and of course all of the extra baggage that comes with it. Ignoring the rule of do not open the crate Tycho Johns and Lei Chan are soon baby sitting a female brought out of frozen animation. This is no ordinary young woman of course, as she just so happens to be the only living survivor of a planets extinct populace. An entire race wiped out in experimental genocide by an intent full Bishop, a couple of decades earlier.
Released from her suspended state, and coming to terms with her surroundings as well as to her two emancipators, the anxious young woman reveals her identity as Asta. It is soon clear that she is no ordinary human, but one imbued with extraordinary abilities. She is able to harness her inner strength to generate an energy powerful enough to expel from her very being, and hone as a directional weapon of pure energy with directional force. An exceptional being and a highly prized asset to interested parties aware of her existence. Those interested parties being Bishop and the rebel forces, and with Pandora’s ‘crate’ now opened Ty and Lei Chan make a desperate space flight for freedom. They board a passenger flight, but are soon fired upon and the captain of the ship is killed. Time for Tycho Johns to take the helm !.
Ty’s vaunted skill as a pilot affords him, Chan, and their new found super chick passenger Asta, a head start but one that is doomed to eventual failure due to the overwhelming class of spacecraft pursuing them. Ty takes a great risk to gain further advantage and hit’s the hyper space jump button in un-chartered space. What waits on the other side of the jump is a freefall into the gravitational pull of a mysterious planet. Surviving the crash Ty and companions, along with a handful of fellow passengers, gather themselves and head towards a complex on the horizon. As they seek out shelter, behind them the bodies of those who did not survive the crash become food for the planets non human inhabitants !.
Hold back the grin of anticipation, call upon the Sci Fi hand book of many a great TV series, and sign up to the Starship Troopers (1997) ethos of entomology, ‘cause its time for Gunfight At The Big Bug Corral. Yes indeedy, good old Connor Trineer didn’t spend all that time on the Enterprise dreaming of being a star blazing buccaneering hero to turn down the opportunity to kick alien butt, head on here. Within the under belly of the complex its off world experimental central and natures itty bitty bugs have become monstrous atrocities, the size of small animals, but un-reliant on humans to hand feed them but rather feeding upon them !. These critters are fast, furious and nifty at removing human heads with their over sized pincers and incisors. Keep your eyes peeled and whatever you do don’t look up as these scuttling beasties are like Spider Man without the costume. They tear through the lower end credit cast like Freddy Krueger frantically wet wiping after a spicy Mexican. This is a meal deal that the monstrous munchers don’t get too often, with visitors at a premium.
Bug busting aid comes in the form of pursuing rebels, forming an uneasy alliance with team Tycho against the leggy legion of creatures. Big guns and bullish bravado bleed out as frequently as the mounting corpses, with Ty laying down the law with the aptly phrased dialogue, ‘‘You point a gun at me again, bugs will be the least of your problems’’. Freedom fighters, fortune seekers, pernicious profiteers, gung ho savants and carnivorous bugs collide in a glorious SyFy Channel showdown. It’s a big step up from the usual run of the mill fare churned out for TV. The effects are good and the bugs are very well done. There’s ample splurges of blood letting and the lead cast are giving their all in what clearly was a fun production to turn up for work on. In collaboration with UFO (Unified Film Organisation) the Sci Fi Channel has delivered a bug blast of movie enjoyment. Good to see UFO head honcho Phillip J. Roth amongst the roster as one of the films producers. He has been delivering solid entertainment value in the Action / Sci Fi genres for many accomplished years now and Star Runners is testament to that.
Seek this one out then fellow Sci Fi citizens for a bug fest frenzy that’s out of this world.

Movie Rating: 6/10

Review: Paul Cooke / Source SyFy Channel

Star Runners (2009)

Director Mat King

With Connor Trinneer, James Kyson-Lee,

Toni Trucks, Aja Evans,

Velizar Beniv & Michael Culkin