Thursday, 24 December 2009

Thomas 'Tinsel' Tang Treat

Ninja Condors
aka Ninja Condors 13
(1987/Hong Kong)

Filmark hit the ninja trail running full on like a quarter back in complete body kit, readied for the fray and prepared to get bruised. It’s Miller time folks, and this one goes down a treat. A Tomas Tang production that saves ten dollars on leaving the ‘H’ out of his name in the credits, to allow for a cut and paste free movie all of its own with the reinvested proceeds . Yes indeed, Ninja Condors is an entire film from start to glorious finish, and rendered to DVD in super Ninja wide screen vision with welcome relish. There’s no need for Richard Harrison to parade here with a head band decal stating Ninja, it’s clear what’s on offer and the Action show reels deliver the goods like Santa on smack.

Alexander Lou is Brian, who as a young boy witnesses the killing of his father in barbaric fashion. Hunted down, by the henchmen of a regional gang boss, he is tied and bound, stretched out by his four limbs, attached to revving motorcycles, and then ripped apart as the bikes tear off in different directions. Brian is left alone, but with a burning rage building within him as he grows into man hood, to take revenge upon his fathers murderers !.
Along with another youth Brian is raised in the ways of martial arts and the path of the Ninja, by a kindly master. Blinded by his desire to take revenge Brian falls in with an organisation that is steadily culling the region of its gangland tyranny, by replacing it with its own !. Now a man and honed in the skills of the Ninja Brian is known as White Eagle, and those that took his father from him are swooped down upon in remorseless retribution.
As the organisation garners absolute power, distributing its blades of death upon the drug cartels, prostitution racketeers, and gambling iniquities, with a lethal deftness attributable to the way of the Ninja, Brian questions his own path taken. When innocent bystanders and children are caught up in the distribution of death to those that are truly deserving he knows that the organisation has become as callous as those that it set out to bring down. Power has corrupted the head of the organisation, the one that Brian grew up with under the tutelage of the master, a man now calling himself Lucifer !.
When expected to kill a police officer who helped him when his father was slain, and his pregnant wife, Brian is compromised and his inner conflict prevails to the code of the Ninja. He rebels against the organisation, putting himself top of Lucifer’s list of priorities to deal with. The White Eagle goes in search of his master, and Lucifer’s Ninja follow in pursuit, ordered to kill !.
Brian runs into a larger than life, solid rock of a fighting man, at a bar. A big black dude named Eddie, who introduces himself by picking a fight with everyone in the bar and involving Brian to help him out. Eddie sticks around, even though Brian wants to journey alone, but with a path constantly beset by aggressive Ninjas looking to clip the White Eagles wings, Eddie’s groove grows on him. Together they play off each other like born brothers at arms, dishing out fist sandwiches with relish and whooping up a storm of Ninja magical mist to take out all that foolishly throw themselves at them. They are like the clones of Bruce Lee and Fred Williamson, brought together to beat down the bad guys and put the righteous brothas back where they belong.
With black garbed Ninjas springing out at them from everywhere, like Cato surprising Inspector Clouseau from the Pink Panther films, the rinky dink duo break bones, snap spines and spike heads in retaliation. There’s more Ninja nuttiness on display than a schizoid squirrel hoarding Snickers bars for winter. It’s tree flying, gravity defying, Ninja wizardry, vanishing into thin air following a puffing plume of multi coloured smoke, lethal steel star throwing acrobatics, and the deft dance of White Ninja Vs Black Ninja, swords of death style !.
Set piece scene stealers include a boat yard Ninja ho down and a Ninja duel on ice at a rink. Even though the movie manically jumps about like a leopard in a leotard, for shear entertainment value Ninja Condors knocks the spots off most Western made kung fu capers paws down.
The final showdown is a bring the house down classic as White Eagle squares off against Lucifer in one Hell of a round house Ninja riot. Brian and Eddie storm Lucifer’s stronghold hellacious coastal haven. Pop your corn and let your lady lick the lolly as the excitement value goes off the chart, Ninjaculation style. John Woo would be proud of the body count, and sheer amount of explosive Action on display at the finale, as the bullets fly and the grenades get launched. Blade upon blade sets the sparks flying, and a rapturous reality shift rounds proceedings off as sheer Ninja nonsense comes gleefully into play. For fruit loop frolics just add movie milk and Ninja nitrous to this scrumptious bowl of Ninja Condor goodness. This Tomas Tang treat tastes so very good.

Review Paul Cooke / Source Pal Region 2 DVD

Ninja Condors (1987)
Director James Wu
With Alexander Lou, Stuart Hugh, Eugene Thomas,
Timothy Johnson, Richard Phillips, Edward Douglas,
Mary Johnson, Mick Murray & Jay Forster

‘‘I’ll carve your ambitions on your tombstone’’

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