Seagal Slays 'Em Dead

Against The Dark
(2009/USA)

‘‘We’re not here to decide who’s right or wrong, we’re here to decide who lives and who dies !’’

The worlds turned against humanity in the form of natures population cleanser, a virulent virus with no known cure. A disease that turns people into creatures of the night, with a thirst for blood. Living off the uninfected, killing for their blood like vampires. A cancerous infection that needs to be put down, and who better to serve last rights than the Ebola enema that is Steven Seagal !.
Pockets of survivors forage for food and supplies during the day, when the infected hide away from the daylight, to role reverse at night as they seek sanctuary away from the darkness that shadows the world that once was. One small band of adults with a young girl hold up in a multi storey medical facility, seemingly safe from the hordes of creatures intent on taking their lives. From dusk till dawn they must traverse down through the facility in order to seek exit from the only way out of the secured complex. They have only until the morning to get out through the lower floor security lock down gate, as they believe the power to engage it will diminish with the buildings back up generator at any time. Their haven of safety soon turns into a tomb of terror as the farther they descend the more apparent it becomes that they are not alone !.
On the outside the army prepare for an air strike at the city and the medical facility is part of their destructive objective. Lieutenant Waters, played with military clout once again by Keith David, is under higher order to cleanse the city of its diseased before the dawn but the survivors need the cover of day to best escape their predators. Where the soldiers fear to go by foot, renegade bands of professionals calling themselves Hunters tread with intent on assisting those that desperately need their help. One such band of Hunters is headed up by Steven Seagal, as team leader Commander Tao along with mighty man mountain sidekick Tagart, and two hot to trot femme fatales, the Hunters enter the medical facility to cleanse the way for the group of survivors and terminate the terminally affected.

Sartorial elegance aside the Hunters dress code is black and predominantly leather. Steven Seagal pads the paunch with his requisite long black coat and sports a sword for a sidearm that he wields with swift aplomb to despatch any ill begot that even dares breach his personal radar within stepping distance. His two bodacious babes could strut the Milan walkways modelling designer underwear but in this time zone they slice flesh rather than show it. Only the super charged, multi muscled fighting machine Tagart displays more emotion than sombre in this elitist group, as his energy is channelled into not only slicing, dicing and bullet blasting his way through diseased dudes and dudets, but adding an injection of oh hell yea reaction whenever he does. One of TV’s American Gladiators, Tanoai Reed plays Seagal’s younger protégé Tagart. Reed is also cousin to one time WWE wrestling legend Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, the similarity is evident for all to behold once Tagart gets to use all his combo moves, taking down the neo Zombies when all he has are his hands and feet to get him out of a scrape or two. This guy has a big future in ‘B’ movie Action roles as a lead player, if he wants to add to his resume of being stunt double for Dwayne Johnson and choreographing stunts.

The main story actually follows the small group of survivors brought together in the medical centre and their fight for freedom. They encounter all manner of nastiness and ghoulish creatures diminished of their humanity along the route to their objective. What they are completely unaware of is that the creatures are evolving, and where initially all form of cognitive processes were missing, beyond the base instinct to kill and feed, now awareness of a new race is prevailing and with it are the signs of hierarchy.

This is a definite change of genre for Steven Seagal and one that, although not perhaps as realistically violent as some of his earlier and best films, certainly is the goriest of all that he has made. The level of blood, gore and dismembered body parts on display is more associated with an all out horror movie from the like of Clive Barker. One scene shows a body deli of all you can eat for free of human buffet entrails, spewing out from ripped open guts of several unfortunates, strung up from a ceiling by their feet and left in grisly ignominy. The vampire like creatures equipping themselves for the feast fray by actually filing down their own teeth into razor sharp butchers knives, to more easily rip apart the flesh to gorge upon the warm blood that they crave from human hosts. It’s like happy hour at the burger bar but with all natural ingredients and no free gift for going extra large.

All the Action and real ‘B’ movie pleasure comes from when the Hunters are doing the business, and more specifically when Tagart is let loose to lock and unload his arsenal upon the nefarious Nosferatu’s. The gorgeous gal duo get to hold their own in nifty knife close combat, and who wouldn’t want these babes to hold their own !?. It’s take down or be toe tagged, and pretty much with Steven Seagal serving last rites to the creatures it’s a one way stretch to them being ‘Tao’ tagged !.

Keeping most of the movie to the confines of the close quartered complex, with its low lit corridors and darkened rooms, maintains the threat of the besieged survivors from their stalkers that may lurk around any corner, or lay in wait amidst the shadows. It’s a cross between Blade Trinity (2004) and The Omega Man (1971), a combination that works in its favour as a pretty well done ‘B’ movie hybrid.

Steven Seagal is the star name that sells the movie to his fans and direct to video Action patrons seeking ninety minutes of entertainment, not even coming close to challenging anything remotely synonymous with a Shakespearian text. This is then perfect for its intended audience of mid budget Action with more than enough going on to engage from start to finish, and indeed enjoyably genre crossing into horror with a large degree of entertainment value. It is perhaps ironic that with Seagal appearing on screen for only around one third of the movies duration he manages to deliver one of his most watch-able screen performances in quite a while. Suitably stoic and effortlessly nonchalant, but quirkily imposing. It is worth stating that whatever many may now think of Steven Seagal, without his name attached to this it is a movie that would go completely unnoticed. Genre hopping may be the way for Seagal to go, beyond shaping up to do Under Siege 3, as without a doubt, here kicking crusty creature butt crack, who else but Steven Seagal could win Against The Dark !?.

Review Paul Cooke / Source DVD NTSC Region 1

Against The Dark (2009)
Director Richard Crudo
With Steven Seagal, Tanoai Reed, Jenna Harrison,
Danny Midwinter, Emma Catherwood, Stephen Hagan,
Daniel Percival, Skye Bennett & Keith David

Don't Leave The Bronx ... Enzo's Back

Enzo G. Castellari's
Carribean Basterds

Eighties Action returns by the beach bucket load as Italian movie making juggernaut Enzo G. Castellari returns to do what he does best. Film making has been in his family for generations and ever since the Sixties Enzo has been involved with many of the Euro greats. Writer, producer, stunt coordinator, stunt man, actor and director, he's pretty much done it all. From the cult spaghetti westerns, through the gloriously gritty and politically incorrect crime flicks of the Seventies, right through the glory days of the Action Eighties and well into the less prolific Nineties. The style and flair as a Director is clear for all to see that has even a passing liking for the Action genre. The Bronx Warriors movies, Striker, Hammerhead, are but a few examples of the ballistic bliss that he hit the video stores with in days gone by.

One of his Action war movies from 1978 The Inglorious Bastards, as most will now be aware of has been dusted down by Quentin Tarantino and is due to hit the multiplexes this summer as Inglourious Basterds. Tarantino has long been a fan of Enzo's and this is his opportunity of showing the love and respect he has of the man and the Euro style of Action movies. Let's hope the bastardisation of the movie titles spelling proves to be the only miss fire !.

Enzo has a cameo in the new movie, and star Brad Pitt gets to serve notice of violent intent against the Nazi war machine. He sure ain't no Bo Svenson and Fred Williamson isn't around to watch his back. Let's give it a chance and hopefully Q.T has taken on board any advice Enzo has passed on.

The great news from this collaboration of talent is that Enzo has managed to sneak out some film time of his very own once again. Calling upon his own past successes and drawing upon the work of Stanley Kubrick, Enzo has a new movie in the can Carribean Basterds. Tarantino borrowed Enzo's movie idea, so Enzo borrows Tarantino's title input. All's fair in mutual appreciation it seems.
It really is a great thrill to learn of a new movie from the mighty Enzo G. Castellari. It's a family affair, as his son and daughter have both been involved in the making of it, most likely along with some familiar faces and movie making assistance from the old days. Let's hope that whilst in France at the Cannes Film Festival, helping to promote Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds Enzo himself has as much success in getting a deal for Carribean Basterds so the movie gets an early distribution, and we can revel once again in the Action glory of one of Euro cinemas true greats.

I'm as jazzed over this as a Peter North play mate. Now if only someone could re-discover Mark Gregory, maybe Bronx Warriors 3 could still be a possibility !

Vincent Dawn ... Of The Dead II

Zombies: The Beginning
(2007/Italy)

‘‘ I heard that there’s a problem on an island, and they called us !’’

When the dead rise up and one amongst them shall lead, who shall stand against them in deterrence of a new species of Zombie existence !?. The U.S. Naval Marine Corps that’s who, themselves raised on red meat and highly able to chew chunks out of any enemy standing in their wake. There has been no transitional wake for this army of the un-dead though, no last rights, and any piece of ground set aside for a final resting place surely has a vacancy sign crossed out in blood !. This then is the stage set for Zombie Armageddon, as the next generation of flesh eating fiends strive to leave The Island Of The Living Dead (2006) and rise up their brethren for global domination !. Send in the marines, and someone get hold of that girl who survived come the end of the first movie. They’re gonna need her for this sequel, because Director Bruno Mattei is back for one final feast for all with his super schlock-buster Zombies: The Beginning.
Adrift at sea on the man made raft, swiftly put together to escape the island at the end of this Zombie prequel, Sharon is rescued by the coast guard. Rushed to the Middle East Asia General Hospital by helicopter, exhausted from her traumatic experience she spends a week in an unconscious state, relieving the gruesome events that befell her and her crew mates through recurrent nightmares. One terrifying vision sees her turned into a flesh eating creature herself, and graphically ripping out the throat of a nurse attending her bedside. A mere entrée for the carnage to come.

Sharon’s employers, The Tyler Incorporated Company, want answers and solid proof of what happened to her team of treasure hunters, and their insurance company wont pay out on the destroyed salvage ship without a sound reason for its destruction. Tyler Inc want her to return to the island with another team to gather substantiated proof of her unbelievable tale of events. Sharon has no intention of going back and drops out of society, choosing instead to take solitude in a monastery. She spends the next six months in the Wai Sung Temple, but her nightmares still visit her with great regularity. The Tyler Incorporation come looking for her again, having sent a team of experts to the island and successfully set up a base of operations, only to then loose all contact with them !. They need Sharon as a consultant biologist to send in with a crack team of navy seals, and a shady scientific representative of their own named Barker. Sharon still wants nothing to do with a return trip to dead central, but with her nightmarish dreams unabated she knows that the only way to end the nightmares is to face up to them, and so she finally agrees to undertake the trip back to the island where it all began.

Bruno Mattei gets to rework his own movie Shocking Dark (1990), itself a bizarrely brilliant hybrid rip of equal parts Aliens (1986) and The Terminator (1984). Arriving under cover of dark at the island by submarine, and beaching by motorised dingy, the marine corps with Sharon and Barker hit the shore with their wits about them. Not far in land they arrive at the Tyler Incorporated Company base camp. It is desolate, and no sign of life. Incredibly though, stretching out before them, is a vast industrial estate. A multi million dollar installation constructed in just six months !?. Suspend all disbelief at this point as either, completely unexplained in the movie, the Tyler Corp have known about the island for longer than they have let on and built this vast installation secretly on the other side of the main island, or the writers have been watching recent episodes of TV’s Lost, and decided to throw in their own time displacement mumbo jumbo. If Doctor Jack Shephard turns up, and Hurley is responsible for raising the dead because of a formula relating to his winning lotto numbers, then maybe an appearance by Sayid, arriving to shoot them all, wont be such a bad thing !.

Armed to the hilt, and kitted out on their wrists with motion detectors, the marines break into the sealed complex. There are immediate signs of a struggle. Further in they discover ghastly experimentation's upon decomposed bodies, and a collection of baby foetus’ contained within glass jars !. Female company representatives lay in an almost unrecognisable state upon steel gurneys, each seemingly with a foetus ripped out of their bellies in violent fashion. The results of these abominable experiments awaits them all !.
The unit is suddenly attacked by a gene mutated hybrid mini Zombie, a grossly deformed freaky little fella with a determination to maim. Is this evil urchin the resultant cross fertilization of human and the un-dead !?. Whatever it is soon becomes a moot point as the crazed creature is besieged with a gauntlet of firepower, rendering it in a bloody pulp that even a Jack Delane power juicer could not squeeze another drop out of !.

The immediate job at hand is to find any sign of recognisable life. Every member of the Tyler Incorporation has a surgically applied tattoo etched on to their arms, transmitters and personal data coding. A perturbed Captain Jurgens, heading up the navy seals team, raises the serious issue of the application being a procedure that the Nazi S.S. used. Barker nonchalantly agrees, but insists that it enables the location of their people within the vast complex. Sure enough signs of survivors do show up on the tracking device, but they each appear in a dispersed fashion. To seek them out the marines have to go beyond the base camp facility and into the nearby main complex, it is there that the perimeter motion sensors they have go haywire !.

The commandos are dropped off at the main instillation by a fortified MPV. As they explosively gain entry through the steel door, posted bio hazardous !. Sharon, Captain Jurgens and Barker stay within the vehicle, viewing the units incursion via on board monitors. From here on in things get freakier and bloodier in equal large measure, as the startling truth behind what has gone on ghoulishly unravels. Genetic experimentation between human and Zombie cellular structure with the purpose of creating a new race !.

Deep within the main Tyler Inc complex the commandos find themselves caught up in the mix of Zombie activity and are set upon from all fronts by the ravenous creatures. Witnessing first hand the explosive birth of a mutant Zombie baby, tearing itself out of the womb of a still conscious, and severely distressed mother host, they fire up the flamethrower and incinerate any future hope the newborn has of ever becoming a terror-way. Captain Jurgens and Sharon, along with a fixated Barker, can only watch in horror as the soldiers are besieged by an ever increasing number of the un-dead. They are ordered to make a retreat and hastily back track to where they came in, as Sharon takes charge of the MPV and races to their aid. Together all that survive make a hasty return back to the base camp and stockade themselves in, but communications with the submarine are down. It’s up to the fearless female navy commando to venture back outside and realign the satellite receiver on the island tower mast. Time is of the essence, but what lingers outside is a larger developed strain of creature that can’t wait to get its claws into some fresh meat !.

The situation gets progressively worse as the facility is compromised both from without and within !. The Tyler Incorporation wants Barker to bring a live sample back to the mainland at any cost, even to the final detriment of those that accompanied him to the island. It’s a fight for survival all round as the Zombies overrun the place.

In a rewarding rerun of the first movie Sharon kits up to clean house at Zombie HQ. She escapes base camp and heads back into corpse central, where our heroine uncovers far more than she bargains for. It’s a creche for mutant killer kids with Zombie cone heads !. Dan Ackroyd’s not responsible for this turkey shoot, and these creepy critters don’t need a baby sitter, so when Sharon comes calling they sense her presence and the threat to their existence. She has stumbled into the gruesome breeding ground and birthing pool for the next wave of genetic abominations. Not so far removed from the ending to Luigi Cozzi’s Contamination (1980) this is a great indoor set, suitably garish and gaudily lit to accentuate the scene perfectly. Face to face with an overseeing creator, that would not be out of place in an episode of Dr. Who, Sharon squares up to her greatest threat for survival. Time then for her to introduce a deadly pacifier, and for the monstrosities to say hello to her little friend, Mr. Flamethrower !. It’s flame on to fricassee the new wave Partridge Family before they get on the bus to the outside world. A flame-tastic finale with an explosive conclusion.

Bruno’s bow out to ‘B’ movie brilliance is as wild and wondrously stupefying as ever. How befitting that one of Italian cinema’s most prolific entertainers should leave us with such a prophetically titled movie, Zombies: The Beginning. Sadly, The End.

For Bruno 30th July 1931 - 21st May 2007

Review: Paul Cooke / Source Japanese DVD
Zombies: The Beginning (2007)
Director Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei
Starring Yvette Yzon, Alvin Anson, Paul Holme,
James Gregory Palely & Robert B. Johnson

Vincent Dawn ... Of The Dead

Island Of The Living Dead
(2006/Italy)

‘‘It’s written by hand, it must be very ancient !’’

When the dead don’t stay dead and the Earth won’t consume their carcass, they shall rise up to feast upon the flesh of the living. Cursed by a disease ridden crew of Spanish Conquistadors, ship wrecked off the coast of a remote Filipino island, a peaceful people have their idyllic paradise desecrated. Forcefully ravaged of its resources and stripped of its innocence. These malicious marauders rape, pillage and cull a harmonious community of its people, until a dark day of retribution is served unto their dark souls. A resurrection of the dead !.

An opening descriptive of terrifyingly biblical proportions to tempt you in to the delights of not a multi million dollar Hollywood horror, to tear at your throats and paralyse you with fear, but to prepare for the deliriously re-imaged dumbfounded-ness of Zombie lore Bruno Mattei style. Yes the lord of the un-dead schlock-buster is back, bolder and badder than ever with his own inimitable flambé of flesh feasting for the 21st century. A veritable regurgitation of the great works of Romero, Fulci and even unashamedly ripping his own material, it in itself of course previously Xeroxed from other genre legends. Bruno’s bowel belching gregarious gruel may not fall far from the same apple tree of his better know peers, an acquired taste for sure, but his film flavour is far from rotten to the ‘gore’!.
A team of modern day treasure hunters, trawling the seas in search of rich antiquities, get caught up in a mysterious fog enshrouded storm that assaults their small ship. With the night having fallen upon them they struggle to gain their bearings as the ocean waves pummel their craft. Their forward motion is abruptly halted as they run aground and cause damage to the main engine. They weather the storm till daybreak when the fog clears and reveals to them dry land. An uncharted island that is nowhere to be found on their maps. A haven they must go ashore and investigate to seek help, and find fresh water.

Leaving the boats engineer behind to work on repairs, the rest of the crew transfer to shore by row boat. The compliment of five men and two women split into two groups to search the island for signs of life and useful supplies. Off they trek into the tropical jungle that lay beyond the beach. It’s not long before Filipino babe Yvette Yzon’s character Sharon, along with her designated two male companions, stumble upon an old world graveyard. A serene area set out with rot infected wooden crosses. As the trio look around a frightful figure of a man stumbles towards Sharon. ‘‘They’re coming to get you Barbara’’, is the cry from one of her ship mates, and of course he’s right on the Romero button as this, sure enough, is lifted directly from the iconic opening of Night Of The Living Dead (1968). There’s clearly more things wooden than just crosses here. The shuffling figure of a man comes too close for comfort and announces full on his intent to tear into the female flesh of a startled Sharon. Who wouldn’t want some of the tasty ‘Pino pie that is the highly attractive beauty Yvette Yzon !?. To her rescue springs the kung fu cabin boy, serving up some Zombie fu to the un-dead crooner looking to woo and chew his curvaceous crew babe. This Zombie knows how to fight back though so its grapple time at the O.K Cemetery !. Cabin boys days of swabbing the decks and hanging his rod overboard, in hope of a catch like Miss. Yzon, are pretty much numbered as other Zombies arrive for the impromptu off beach barbecue.

Reunited with her remaining crew members Sharon and the others are all now fully aware of the islands Zombie uprising. With night closing in they must seek refuge, as the darkness seems to act as a calling card for the living dead to come out on mass. They find brief sanctuary in a stone fortitude, harbouring beneath its centuries old fascia a myriad of catacombs. Before retreating to this sanctum they have to fight their way through a horde of frenzied Zombies seeking their human supper, and a typically well staged Mattei mêlée ensues. The encroaching dead become target practice for the protagonists, who quickly learn that head shots bring about finality. That doesn’t stop them shot gun blasting arms and legs off their antagonists in explosive bloody fashion, nor body splattering them against walls with gory dispatch. It’s shoot and squelch time and no body does it better ‘B’ movie style than Director Bruno Mattei, using his equally well known pseudonym here of Vincent Dawn. There’s even room here for both the bizarre and wryly humorous. The bizarre being that one blasted Zombie instantly displays re-growth of a bullet severed lower arm and hand. Bizarre in that this is never touched upon again at all in this particular movie, but perhaps hints at a new strain of Zombies to come !?. The ingeniously wry moment of humour is delivered with subtle aplomb as a discarded cigarette is stubbed out under foot with meaningful intent by a Zombie. It clearly goes to show that even after death smoking may seriously harm your health !.

Safe for the time being in the heart of the refuge the enterprising Captain Kirk, yes the scriptwriters dared challenge the wrath of Khan to boldly go with the name of Kirk for the ships captain, uncovers books of scripture that reveal detail as to the islands history. The Latin text speak of prophecies of the dead. How every cadaver that is not destroyed immediately becomes one of them … one of the living dead !. It is also written about gold that was brought to the island by the Spanish, rescued from aboard their shipwrecked galleon back in the early Seventeenth century. If there is one thing sure to keep the insane amongst any group of people forgetting the safety of their own lives it is for the greed of riches beyond their wildest dreams. Never mind the endless number of limb loving Zombies looking for a fresh meal, outside of the Island Burger Rats, these treasure hunters want their own feast of tasty trinkets. Only Sharon keeps her logic of reason for self preservation above all else.

Bruno Mattei has in many quarters always been an easy target. Labelled a hack director and disregarded for pretty much his entire career. Those that take the time to appreciate just what he achieves from working on a micro budget, and his real flair for entertainment value on a return for that investment, are rewarded with rough edged movie jewels. Here he once again displays quality of production for what is a marginally financed shot on video outing, yet he musters together everything he possibly can to deliver an end product that far exceeds what the investors would have signed up for.

There are some truly great interior sets on display here. Dust encrusted décor, enshrouded with cobwebs and dressed in a texture of colour that is reminiscent of those Roger Corman films from the Sixties, based upon the writings of Edgar Allan Poe. He has always been able to call upon the experience of cast and crew who have been in the business for many, many years. Here he has the benefit of Eighties Italian Action movies regular Jim Gaines, who playing a character nicknamed Snoopy presumably also worked on this project for peanuts !. Older generation and experienced character player Gaetano Russo, who started his film career with Seventies Italian Giallo and Crime flicks such as, The Killer Reserved Nine Seats (1974) and Rome Armed To The Teeth (1976), is also on hand. Mattei’s ability to also unearth new talent such as he has here with the delightful Yvette Yzon, is also a sign of his true credibility.

The movie escalates towards an exciting conclusion with Mattei throwing everything into the mix including talking Zombies and a Vampiric high priest laying claim to ruler of the island, as well as cult leader to a posse of skull faced un-dead padres. Now what the ‘flock’ is that all about !?. Who cares, as in this world of the unbelievable anything goes. Sharon has become the feisty femme, freedom fighter, and wields a grim reaper sized scythe as she sets about cutting Zombies down to size. It’s her against the denizens of the dark in Hell’s inferno, and with the living dead rising up all around no tomb is left unturned.

This then is the penultimate regurgitation of the Zombie pantheon from the maestro Mattei, his conveyor belt of reanimated corpses grinded out for another brilliantly banal ‘B’ movie horror Action film, that only he could pull off. Bruno Mattei recycles so much here that he must have worn the yellow jersey when he won the race to bring this one home.

Dedicated To Bruno Mattei & Mike Monty

Review: Paul Cooke / Source Czechoslovakian DVD PAL

Island Of The Living Dead (2006)
Director: Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei
Starring: Yvette Yzon, Ronald Russo, Alvin Anson,
Ydalia Suarez & Jim Gaines

Time For Some Tasty 'Pino Pie ...

Firebird Conspiracy

(1987/Philippines)

‘‘If you fail, never come back !’’

Firebird, a microfilm containing indicting information of American forces corruption in Vietnam, and a damning document to shock the Whitehouse and embarrass the President of the United States Of America, is subject to conjecture as to existence and location toward the end of the Vietnam war. The Pentagon and the C.I.A want to recover the microfilm, even though the official word on the subject is that it is nothing more than a tool of propaganda.

A small detachment of American soldiers led by Captain Beck must baby sit an important Vietnamese chief diplomat, travelling with his young daughter and pet dog !. The chief being the man who may or may not just so happen to be transporting the Firebird microfilm !?. Along with a female reporter Captain Beck and his loyal men have their work cut out for them, particularly as their path to the border is through Vietcong jungle territory. This is where the rumble in the jungle takes no prisoners !.

It is not long before Beck’s convoy is set upon and what follows in quick succession are multiple incursions resulting in severed limbs, bloodied stumps, and casualties all about as mortar attacks fire in from all around. Helicopters swerve and weave to bring assistance to no great avail and the explosive Action quota fills the screen with realistic effect.

Fleeing the encroaching Vietcong force Captain Beck leads his party through the perilous jungle, which takes victims of its own as some fall prey to the multiple death traps along the way. Swinging spikes of death flail through surprised victims with lethal accuracy, with a resultant residue synonymous with the blood letting witnessed in the infamous earlier produced cannibal movies. Whenever the Action kicks into top gear the body count rises, and here the film makers spare no one as both women and children get caught up in the scenes of death deliverance along with male counterparts.

There is an unusually high quota of sexual soft core material here. The female form is displayed with little reservation, and the soldiers waste no time in raising their American flags !.

With the Vietcong hot on their heels Captain Beck and his now rag tag party of diminishing numbers meet up with a small unit of Navy Seals, sent in to retrieve them by the American military. It’s no plane sailing though as the ramshackle Vietnamese junk they attempt to flee by water to the border is little match for the might of the Vietcong resources. The odds against Captain Beck and those under his protection become overwhelming and the astonishing revelations surrounding the Firebird bring about even more testing situations to contend with.

This is forward thrusting film making at its most refreshingly entertaining. Well staged big Action scenes deliver the goods by the handful, and the level of realistic ‘NC17’ rated situations of death and adult themes make this stand out from the abundance of similarly themed genre movies. The conclusion to Firebird Conspiracy is a corker, and unravels a couple of original twists and turns to highlight the refreshing originality of this well made Asian Action Adventure flick.


Review Paul Cooke / Source Japanese NTSC VHS

Firebird Conspiracy
1987 F. Puzon Film Enterprises, Inc
Director Vittorio De Romero
With Warren Fleming, Bianca DeLorean, Stephen Douglas,
Patrick Burton, James Corman & Mike Monty

Is This Truly A Dragon Balls Up !?

Dragonball Evolution
(2009/USA/Hong Kong)

‘‘The first rule is, there are no rules !’’

Everyone is beating on this with all the fervour of a gorilla saying hello to his little friend, whilst watching an Asian dubbed version of Scarface (1983) with illegible subtitles. Is it truly a Turkey of such epic proportions that it could likely feed an entire colony on Thanksgiving Day ?. Has star Chow Yun Fat slipped so far into ‘B’ moviedom that the only hope he still has for A Better Tomorrow is to sign up for Hard Boiled 2, even if the role offered is a cameo !?. Did anyone actually bother to tell James Marsters that he was playing the role of a distant cousin to The Hulk when he signed up for this ?. Devouring screen time as Spike on TV’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer was a joy to behold, but here with a green tan, makes him look better suited to picking corn niblets from a field rather than dispensing evil to the four corners of the Earth.

But … the movie is a blast .. Yes indeed I appreciate I am a lone voice giving plaudit to what is pretty universally designated a turd. One so steaming that even Divine from Pink Flamingos (1972) would use a doggy bag for to dispose of responsibly. This aside, Dragonball Evolution is the most enjoyably zany gig to come along until Kiss support act Miley Cyrus !.

With expectations set so low, on the backlash that the movie has received, anything to constitute entertainment was going to be a reward for dedicated movie viewing. Comparisons to other comic book / video gaming styled movies such as Bullet Proof Monk (2003) and DOA: Dead Or Alive (2006), which truly were painful to sit through, gave hope for at least a compact measure of some entertainment value. Dragonball Evolution is in its entirety a sub ninety minute outing that flies by. That in itself is to its credit, as a two hour excursion would have meant padding out a storyline that pretty much exists of a set of seven magical orbs being stolen by an evil villain, to unite them at the time of an eclipse that will bring about the destruction of the world as we know it.
Justin Chatwin is the young hero Goku, who turns eighteen and his inherent mystical instincts kick in big time. When his grandfather, who has raised him and trained him in the ways of his ancestors, is killed by James Marsters villainous Lord Piccolo, Goku must seek out the reclusive Master Yoshi.

Teaming up with kick ass babe Bulma (Emmy Rossum), Goku follows his intuitive senses and locates Master Roshi (Chow Yun Fat) in a beaten down property that no one would think twice about trick or treating, let alone delivering junk mail to.

A big part of the enjoy ability of the movie for me is easily attributable to Chow Yun Fat, having feared the worst for this once uber iconic king of cool here he gets to kick back to a time where he was able to diversify his roles and pull off with an injection of humour. Not only does he look more relaxed and free from the make up artists who have aged him for too many of his recent movies, but his charm is back in bucket loads. It’s an eccentric role for him, but one that allows a range of expression that he consummately pulls off. A terrific throw back to the Action / Comedy performances that worked so well in his Hong Kong flicks such as Tiger On The Beat (1988). This is perhaps the first time that Chow Yun Fat has been allowed to show off his recogniseable style since moving into the American movie market.

It is unsurprising then that the Asian influence behind Dragonball Evolution is highly apparent and likely influential in affording Chow this overdue courtesy. The movie is a US / Hong Kong production and Director James Wong’s heritage is evident to behold in the flamboyant Action style associated with Hong Kong fantasy flicks from the last few decades.

Having really never seen the animated shows nor read any of the Dragonball comic books clearly has proven advantageous as a casual observer stepping directly into the film. I imagine it is universally the fans of the whole Dragonball concept that are up in arms with the completed movie, and being a fan of similar comic book / anime show cross over developments that have failed terribly I have sympathetic empathy. Those of you who, like me, seek a Fun fuelled, energetic does of unapologetic escapism need look no further than Dragonball Evolution the movie, to satisfy there need to feel good about themselves at the end of a long week. It’s colourful, explosive silliness that rockets along at such a pace to leave you fulfilled in the same way that an episode of your favourite TV show kicks in with that season finale goodness.

Crazy kung fu capers, slightly futuristic landscapes and technology, hot babes with guns and buns a plenty, with vibrant special effects that compliment the piece rather than garishly overwhelm it. This is one of those movies you tune in to whilst skipping channels late at night, and chose to stick with as it leaps out like an obscure find that you can’t wait to share with others the next day. Definitely worth your time if even only as a rental when it hits DVD. The movie will look fantastic on Blu-ray.

If you have seen and enjoyed the energetic fight fu and sci fi slickness of James Wong’s earlier The One (2001), then Dragonball Evolution is definitely a consideration to get back in with the ‘Wong’ guy.

Review: Paul Cooke / Source Theatrical Release

Dragonball Evolution (2009)
Director James Wong

With Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun Fat, Emmy Rossum,
Jamie Chung & James Marsters

Unsheath Your Katana ... It's Bikini Babe Time

Oneechanbara: The Movie
aka Chanbara Beauty

(2008/Japan)

 

It’s Zombie High Noon Japanese manga in motion style, as a bikini clad cowgirl beauty slices ‘n dices better than a magi mix, with buttons in all the right places.

Eri Otoguru stars as Aya, a sword wielding vixen of vengeance out to serve justice upon her sister Saki and the maniacal Doctor Sugita. Releasing a compound that virulently attacks the blood molecules of humans, Dr. Sugita turns the world into a planet of the living dead. His most despotic deed, however, is in indoctrinating a very young Saki, as he leads her to clinically kill her own father !. Elder sister Aya, hiding nearby, witnesses the execution and from that moment the two sisters destinies are indefatigably defined !. They grow into young adulthood, honed in fighting skills taught by their father and furthered to the point of perfection, one for the virtues of good and the other in the pursuit of evil.

As Dr. Sugita perfects his serum he creates a personal army of super Zombies, more aggressive than the legions of un-dead rambling the surrounding regions beyond his laboratory, and ably equipped to do battle at their creators behest. With her portly male companion, also in search of a sister taken from him by Saki to experiment on by the nefarious Sugita, the sexy cowgirl Aya dispenses with the dead like a super short order chef at a Sushi bar. Her lithe body censored only by matching bra and panties, draped by a faux fur white boa under her sleek Stetson, and adorned by a poncho. A hybrid take on the man with no name from Director Akira Kurosawa’s Yojimbo (1961) and Sergio Leone’s classic spaghetti western variation A Fistful Of Dollars (1964) . A wondering female samurai brandishing a Katana rather than a six shooter, and also unlike Clint Eastwood completely stubble free. Even in a world overrun by Zombies this Chanbara babe follows the traditional ways of ‘wax on, wax off’!. The only bikini line showing here is likely the queue to the store to purchase the not so furtive gear, sported by Eri Otoguro in the movie, by fans looking to perhaps imaginatively expand upon their viewing experience.

The background story plays out in short interludes amidst the arterial blood letting and limb lopping dished out by the Zombie slaying Aya. Her skill with the sword is evenly matched by her speed of motion, as she evades the swarms of human flesh craving creatures back from the dead. Even the superiorly evolved super Zombies are no match for the bladed babe, with a skill for separating sinew from skin and bone from body in a siphon of splattering blood. In true comic book style even the camera gets bloodily blotched from the close up action with a Manga mayonnaise.




Saddle up with cowgirl Aya, her supply carrying man servant and voluptuous shotgun sidekick Reiko, as together they take on the might of the evil Dr. Sugita and his hordes of Zombies. It’s sword fight at the O.K corral come closure as the sisters are doing it for themselves. Good and evil never looked so ‘Wicked’ together.

Review: Paul Cooke / Source Japanese DVD Region 3 NTSC

2008 CN Entertainment LTD

Director Yôhei Fukuda
With Eri Otoguro, Manami Hashimoto,

Chise Nakamura & Taro Suwa

Delivering final rites to the dead is a heavy toll for one to bear though, so when another agile babe of the realm gate crashes a night of the living dead ghoul gathering, it’s a twofer tango to take out the trash !. Enter Chise Nakamura as Reiko, set astride a motorcycle and dispensing never ending bullets of death from a short barrelled double shot gun. A leather clad courier delivering packets of pain upon hapless customers who’s post codes don’t mean zip anymore !. These two babes will put a smile on any predominantly male orientated audience, as together they raise the dead with body and soul. As for any further Clint Eastwood references, my mistake, make that three hundred coffins !.

This is J-Cinema, shot on video greatness that stands out in a sea of throw away trashiness. Movies such as the recent The Machine Girl (2008) are gory delights, enjoyed best with your brain put in neutral, delivering outlandish moments of pure shock schlock, but Oneechanbara: The Movie sets a higher standard of overall entertainment in Asian budget film making.
Fans of Japanese horror and Kung Fu will delight in the fantastical cross references to many recognisable themes from genre classics. There’s even a Kill Bill (2003) Chiaki Kuriyama homage to her character Gogo, as an enhanced Zombie takes on our heroes with a lethal spin on the deadly spiked ball on a chain.